An explainable world
The longer I am living in this society, the more we are suffering from the down turn in the economy and the more I see how people are living in such.
The more I feel disgusting when un-fair, out of expectation happenings are showing up when I can see the obvious solution is just around the corner where everyone is just ignoring it.
It is my problem. Since I am expecting every act we perform are explainable, what I mean is with a constructive reason behind. No consipracy theory, everyone is fairly treated.
The sad thing is. This just won't happen.
4/17/2002
4/09/2002
Treasure box
The passage I am going to write has been lying around for quite sometime.. I am still looking for a way to post it out in its original format... anyhow, here we go.
The story begins like that.
Since you give birth to Earth, you come with a "treaure box", but no one, except yourself can see it. It is empty, hollow. But since then, you start putting in things you treasure into it.
You start out to be happy, very happy I would say. When the first "item" goes into your treaure box -- no matter what it is -- but you will remember for the rest of your life.
Indeed, your happiness varies as time goes by, as the treasure box begins to fill up with items. It goes up to an extent that you start to forget about thing. Yet, you keep on hunting for your treasure, wishing to recapture the happiness you once own in your childhood. You thought the more you possess, the closer you could get reach to.
And you get so much that your treasure box is running out of space and you are in panic as what is happening is just the other way round -- you feel the emptiness, surrounding all around you. You try to get around it by grabbing even more, no matter what it is, wishing to fill in what you think you are lacking of.
Until one day, you realize you CAN take the thing out of your treasure box, giving it to someone who need it.
Your once jam packed treasure box starts emptying, getting back to what it once was. You keep hunting for your treasure but in turn, you share it with someone else and you feel rejuvenile -- everything looks new and exciting, in the way you see thing when you are younger.
The passage I am going to write has been lying around for quite sometime.. I am still looking for a way to post it out in its original format... anyhow, here we go.
The story begins like that.
Since you give birth to Earth, you come with a "treaure box", but no one, except yourself can see it. It is empty, hollow. But since then, you start putting in things you treasure into it.
You start out to be happy, very happy I would say. When the first "item" goes into your treaure box -- no matter what it is -- but you will remember for the rest of your life.
Indeed, your happiness varies as time goes by, as the treasure box begins to fill up with items. It goes up to an extent that you start to forget about thing. Yet, you keep on hunting for your treasure, wishing to recapture the happiness you once own in your childhood. You thought the more you possess, the closer you could get reach to.
And you get so much that your treasure box is running out of space and you are in panic as what is happening is just the other way round -- you feel the emptiness, surrounding all around you. You try to get around it by grabbing even more, no matter what it is, wishing to fill in what you think you are lacking of.
Until one day, you realize you CAN take the thing out of your treasure box, giving it to someone who need it.
Your once jam packed treasure box starts emptying, getting back to what it once was. You keep hunting for your treasure but in turn, you share it with someone else and you feel rejuvenile -- everything looks new and exciting, in the way you see thing when you are younger.
4/02/2002
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3/12/2002
Standard
"The best italian restaurant in Town!"
"One of the best performance on Elgar cello concerto!"
"A piece of junk, the actor simply do not understand how to act."
No matter what you are reading or listening to, you will always come across statement similar to those above. Critics - the people who are writing the message - either be a so called professional in the specified field of interest or simply an amateur to what he/she write.
But the problem is, no matter how well they know about the field of interest, they are just expressing their own judgement. True, there might be general favourites, indeed, does it really make sense if everyone is following in the same course? Tchaikovsky symphony number 6 is entitled as "Patheique" but is it really necessary to play slowly? I mean, there are no single standard on how "slow" a performance should be when we classfied it as a "good" performance or authentic performance.
The hunt for quality is absolutely respectable but when we are challenging the others against "The Standard", we are risking ourselves in pursuing our own thought to the others. In turns, we are simply bringing up argument rather than anything fruitful.
"The best italian restaurant in Town!"
"One of the best performance on Elgar cello concerto!"
"A piece of junk, the actor simply do not understand how to act."
No matter what you are reading or listening to, you will always come across statement similar to those above. Critics - the people who are writing the message - either be a so called professional in the specified field of interest or simply an amateur to what he/she write.
But the problem is, no matter how well they know about the field of interest, they are just expressing their own judgement. True, there might be general favourites, indeed, does it really make sense if everyone is following in the same course? Tchaikovsky symphony number 6 is entitled as "Patheique" but is it really necessary to play slowly? I mean, there are no single standard on how "slow" a performance should be when we classfied it as a "good" performance or authentic performance.
The hunt for quality is absolutely respectable but when we are challenging the others against "The Standard", we are risking ourselves in pursuing our own thought to the others. In turns, we are simply bringing up argument rather than anything fruitful.
2/21/2002
Feels like home again
7 days more, same day next week, I should now be flying over the South China Sea, approaching the place that I have been going over for numerous times in these 2 years - Taiwan.
Even though this is already the third time I go there, somehow, I am more anticipated than ever. The more I know about it, the more I am confident that I can relieve myself. Moreover, I know that there are things waiting for me over there, bookstore, coffee house, food, music, the cultrual and arts.
And the most important thing among all is, I got friends. Human connection, I am no longer alone on this piece of land - as long as I wish to.
7 days more, same day next week, I should now be flying over the South China Sea, approaching the place that I have been going over for numerous times in these 2 years - Taiwan.
Even though this is already the third time I go there, somehow, I am more anticipated than ever. The more I know about it, the more I am confident that I can relieve myself. Moreover, I know that there are things waiting for me over there, bookstore, coffee house, food, music, the cultrual and arts.
And the most important thing among all is, I got friends. Human connection, I am no longer alone on this piece of land - as long as I wish to.
1/24/2002
Life saver
I am someone who is lucky.
And it happens not only for one time but a number of times..
At times, without any sign or notice, the feeling of being isolated sneak in from nowhere.. it is not scary or painful. You just feel being transmitted to another universe or kept inside a tightly sealed lead house or living somewhere beneath the sea..
Everything is vivid, everything is so detached. I cannot tell what is real in the reality. I feel disconnected, like a sub moving along the sea floor and the sonar did not receive a ping. The sub has no destination, it is just moving silently, places to places.
It also feels like walking in a big grain field, endless. A sunny day without a breeze, shadow casting off the canopy of trees, those trees have been grown for ages as the tips can almost reach the ceiling of the sky. But then, no one is around, not even a single tiny creature, you are all by yourself. It is so quiet that you wonder if sound exists. You try to speak out but it just sounds like a squeak.
The "turn key".
It always shows up when I feel desperate - the connection - I am cherished by my friends around, places that I like to hang on with and I was like someone who got invited to a big party.. I can feel the linkage again, I got the VISA to this universe.
Thank you, I treasure a lot on all those "Life Saver", you just don't know how important you all are in that particular moment in my life.
I am someone who is lucky.
And it happens not only for one time but a number of times..
At times, without any sign or notice, the feeling of being isolated sneak in from nowhere.. it is not scary or painful. You just feel being transmitted to another universe or kept inside a tightly sealed lead house or living somewhere beneath the sea..
Everything is vivid, everything is so detached. I cannot tell what is real in the reality. I feel disconnected, like a sub moving along the sea floor and the sonar did not receive a ping. The sub has no destination, it is just moving silently, places to places.
It also feels like walking in a big grain field, endless. A sunny day without a breeze, shadow casting off the canopy of trees, those trees have been grown for ages as the tips can almost reach the ceiling of the sky. But then, no one is around, not even a single tiny creature, you are all by yourself. It is so quiet that you wonder if sound exists. You try to speak out but it just sounds like a squeak.
The "turn key".
It always shows up when I feel desperate - the connection - I am cherished by my friends around, places that I like to hang on with and I was like someone who got invited to a big party.. I can feel the linkage again, I got the VISA to this universe.
Thank you, I treasure a lot on all those "Life Saver", you just don't know how important you all are in that particular moment in my life.
1/23/2002
If I am insane
Boom... flash back.
IF I am insane, I will believe in a world having 2 universe. You are here and I am there, no one will come and I will not get over.
IF I am insane, everything will seems to be real, the sound is real, the universe is real, the music is real, my circumstances is real and every single thing is so obvious that it must be happening that way, following its own course, no matter what and no matter how.
IF I am insane, I will feel powerless, I will feel this is the end of the world, everything collapse.
IF I am insane, I will always try to get connected, to send out ping signal, to press the seek button till I find a channel.
IF.. luckily they are just if... since I can't imagine what if it all comes true..
Boom... flash back.
IF I am insane, I will believe in a world having 2 universe. You are here and I am there, no one will come and I will not get over.
IF I am insane, everything will seems to be real, the sound is real, the universe is real, the music is real, my circumstances is real and every single thing is so obvious that it must be happening that way, following its own course, no matter what and no matter how.
IF I am insane, I will feel powerless, I will feel this is the end of the world, everything collapse.
IF I am insane, I will always try to get connected, to send out ping signal, to press the seek button till I find a channel.
IF.. luckily they are just if... since I can't imagine what if it all comes true..
The continuum
I think I am out of excuses from not posting new blog regularly... when so many tools are available to make posting blog even more easier..
Currently, I am trying the Radio Userland and the Bloggar. Have yet to decide which one to stick to, maybe I will use both.. since Bloggar didn't have a Mac client.
I think I am out of excuses from not posting new blog regularly... when so many tools are available to make posting blog even more easier..
Currently, I am trying the Radio Userland and the Bloggar. Have yet to decide which one to stick to, maybe I will use both.. since Bloggar didn't have a Mac client.
11/12/2001
10/20/2001
The perfect afternoon
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
10/06/2001
Marriage
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
- Instead of spending $ to buy us stuff, I would suggest my buddy to either donate the $ to Orbis, Oxfam or any other volunteer services provider.
- Instead of "inviting" people that U don't see once in a year to your banquet, I would rather hold a private party somewhere with my families and friends...
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
9/01/2001
That's more than give and take
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
8/20/2001
Fly, flying high..
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
8/06/2001
Error Handling
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannot handle error : NULL POINTER EXCEPTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6/04/2001
The wait of the happening
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
5/20/2001
What really is in my mind?
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
4/18/2001
Chaos
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
4/16/2001
The art of simplicity
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
LIFE is never to be easy..
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
Am I exhausted or what?
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
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