Each time when she gets off from work late, I am a bit angry. I have been telling myself it is pointless since she has work to do but I just cannot convince myself. At first, I thought I am just having different value proposition, work to me is something that you cannot finish, something can easily put down. To her, she cannot bear something left behind. But the more I think about it, the more I think this is not where my anger rooted from.
Is it because of my envy? Am I complaining why it is always me to put down the work and take care of what has to be done (cooking, dish washing etc)? But again, it could be, yet not definitely.
Now, I think I found the cause. I hate the imbalance. No matter is it work, play, or any activities. When it goes over the top, i.e. you spend most of your time and resources into it, to the point that YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE SOMEONE. My anger arise.
Remember I talked about envy? It's part of the game as said. Simply because I want deadly to immerse totally into what I like but in a way I just cannot tolerate myself to be selfish.
12/05/2006
10/12/2006
Finale
The last note had hammered but the echo will remain.
Dad had finished his marathon on last Friday.
He was sent into the hosptial a week ago because of an increase in Calcium level, we naively thought that we could celebrate the mid-autum festival after the injection. Indeed, we didn't know it was the final knock on the door.
In the 6 days, his condition was getting worst quickly, yet, he was still fighting mightily. On his last day, although he could hardly drink water, he was still trying his best to swallow the pills. On 6th of October, 6 o'clock in the morning, he left with his last breath, with the accompany by my elder brother.
Dad, thank you so much in letting me to stay with you for the whole year, and showing me what brave and wisdom is. The disease had brought so many nights of pain, we fought it together and strengthen our bounding that nothing can defeat us.
Rest, in peace, I am sure we will be seeing again not long in the future.
P.S. I would like to thank sincerely to all of you, whom I haven't met, for your support and blessing throughout the years. Cherish life, and my blessing to you a happy and healthy life.
Dad had finished his marathon on last Friday.
He was sent into the hosptial a week ago because of an increase in Calcium level, we naively thought that we could celebrate the mid-autum festival after the injection. Indeed, we didn't know it was the final knock on the door.
In the 6 days, his condition was getting worst quickly, yet, he was still fighting mightily. On his last day, although he could hardly drink water, he was still trying his best to swallow the pills. On 6th of October, 6 o'clock in the morning, he left with his last breath, with the accompany by my elder brother.
Dad, thank you so much in letting me to stay with you for the whole year, and showing me what brave and wisdom is. The disease had brought so many nights of pain, we fought it together and strengthen our bounding that nothing can defeat us.
Rest, in peace, I am sure we will be seeing again not long in the future.
P.S. I would like to thank sincerely to all of you, whom I haven't met, for your support and blessing throughout the years. Cherish life, and my blessing to you a happy and healthy life.
9/01/2006
When I was on my way back to office
I was on my way back to the office this morning when I saw the uncle and aunt, holding hand in hand, walking elegantly across the street.
It looks so sweet, for a couple that has been together for so many years (I assume ;)), remains intimate. Even if the relationship didn't fade out, there are just too many occasion that inhibit the loved one to retain like when they are young.
With my blessing to them.
8/30/2006
時間寶貴
又是每個月到醫院覆診的日子，病況正如預期般。謝醫生細心地聆聽着病況的變化，並依據着轉變而調整處方。
但最為我所動的，是她淡淡然地跟我說 — 時間寶貴。
真的，這一年得來不易，亦沒有人可知還有多少時間，相聚的每刻都應多珍惜，尤其是了解到生命是如此無常。
但最為我所動的，是她淡淡然地跟我說 — 時間寶貴。
真的，這一年得來不易，亦沒有人可知還有多少時間，相聚的每刻都應多珍惜，尤其是了解到生命是如此無常。
8/16/2006
The day is getting closer
It is scary in noticing the day is getting closer and closer. The falling in condition, the increased dosage of medication, are all alerting me that I should get ready.
Going through the mental exercise, envisioning what am I going to see and experience, but I am still feeling frightened when it begins to happen.
What am I afraid of? The passing away of dad? The pain in seeing him suffering on each day? The process of after life handling? The taking care of mom?
I have no clue.
I keep telling myself it is a natural process but it doesn't seems to convince my shivering heart. After all, he is my closest one, who has been living through 1/3 of my life. You just can't beat the emotion that comes when you are about to depart from it, but yet, it is just a natural emotion. No one loves to depart, in particular when it means forever.
Going through the mental exercise, envisioning what am I going to see and experience, but I am still feeling frightened when it begins to happen.
What am I afraid of? The passing away of dad? The pain in seeing him suffering on each day? The process of after life handling? The taking care of mom?
I have no clue.
I keep telling myself it is a natural process but it doesn't seems to convince my shivering heart. After all, he is my closest one, who has been living through 1/3 of my life. You just can't beat the emotion that comes when you are about to depart from it, but yet, it is just a natural emotion. No one loves to depart, in particular when it means forever.
7/09/2006
The pain that even molphine cannot relief.
Pain from the tumor is turning acute.
A recent visit to the doctor has changed his prescription with molphine sulphate, which should be able to relief his pain effectively.
But it could not diminish our pain in seeing him to suffer from coughing, with each stroke like a stabbing with a knife. We are surrendered helpless, except from seeing him crying in tears.
This reminded me our experience last year, when we first discovered his illness and worried in every seconds. Now, we are moving onwards to a later stage of the journey, which even less could be done but more pain is suffered.
It is a joke, that no one wants to suffer from the pain, whereas no one dares to end the journey.
Yet, it will go when it is time to go.
A recent visit to the doctor has changed his prescription with molphine sulphate, which should be able to relief his pain effectively.
But it could not diminish our pain in seeing him to suffer from coughing, with each stroke like a stabbing with a knife. We are surrendered helpless, except from seeing him crying in tears.
This reminded me our experience last year, when we first discovered his illness and worried in every seconds. Now, we are moving onwards to a later stage of the journey, which even less could be done but more pain is suffered.
It is a joke, that no one wants to suffer from the pain, whereas no one dares to end the journey.
Yet, it will go when it is time to go.
7/05/2006
Sleep, or stay awake.
My own time begins when everyone goes to bed. I could continue my work, or browse around to my favourite websites.
So I usually stay up till lately.
But indeed, going to sleep is the only moment that I can let go of everything. The responsibility as a son, the taking care of the family.
So every night turns out to be a dilema, but luckily, it is still my own time in either way.
So I usually stay up till lately.
But indeed, going to sleep is the only moment that I can let go of everything. The responsibility as a son, the taking care of the family.
So every night turns out to be a dilema, but luckily, it is still my own time in either way.
5/02/2006
Technology that I cherish
I earn my living by writing code.
But I am always doubtful on the importance of technology. It surely ease our daily life but I have never experienced the "magic moment" like when I read through passages in a novel or encounter a music segment in a symphony.
Until this Sunday, things have changed.
My buddy had bought my family, my brother to be precise, a gift for my wedding. To make a long story short, my brother hasn't come back for many years and they cannot see each other easily. Flying back is an expensive option which he cannot do regularly and my parents have difficulty in even going across the harbor, so flying to Canada is out of the question.
They have bought him a mac mini with an iSight, which enables my parents in seeing him at home at anytime they want. We have finally seen each other on the previous Sunday, everyone at home were very excited since we can talk, and even see, each other freely.
Now, I could finally convince myself that, the industry I am working for, do bring good to the community.
But I am always doubtful on the importance of technology. It surely ease our daily life but I have never experienced the "magic moment" like when I read through passages in a novel or encounter a music segment in a symphony.
Until this Sunday, things have changed.
My buddy had bought my family, my brother to be precise, a gift for my wedding. To make a long story short, my brother hasn't come back for many years and they cannot see each other easily. Flying back is an expensive option which he cannot do regularly and my parents have difficulty in even going across the harbor, so flying to Canada is out of the question.
They have bought him a mac mini with an iSight, which enables my parents in seeing him at home at anytime they want. We have finally seen each other on the previous Sunday, everyone at home were very excited since we can talk, and even see, each other freely.
Now, I could finally convince myself that, the industry I am working for, do bring good to the community.
4/28/2006
Call me the "solvent"
I thought working 110 hours a week is already something significant. But I am surprised that I am now working all the time except from my 5 hours of sleep.
OK, it's not like working non-stop all the time, I do eat and play around (like the blog I am writing now).
And for the rest of the time, I work like a solvent. I keep providing solution to anyone approaches me, my boss at work or my parents at home. Fixing a bug or cooking a dish for dinner.
Is that what the human being were born to be?
Don't you find something is wrong? Is solving out problem the no. 1 objective that sustain our existence? We keep looking for our solvent but turns out we can only be the other's solvent.
BTW, I guess I am close to the saturation point.
OK, it's not like working non-stop all the time, I do eat and play around (like the blog I am writing now).
And for the rest of the time, I work like a solvent. I keep providing solution to anyone approaches me, my boss at work or my parents at home. Fixing a bug or cooking a dish for dinner.
Is that what the human being were born to be?
Don't you find something is wrong? Is solving out problem the no. 1 objective that sustain our existence? We keep looking for our solvent but turns out we can only be the other's solvent.
BTW, I guess I am close to the saturation point.
3/10/2006
賀詞
結婚當日，除了賀詞，最多人對我說的是，"你要好好照顧阿翎"。
奉茶給岳父時，他邊擁着羅翎痛哭，邊訴說着他捨不得女兒出嫁。我不斷重申，"我會好好照顧她的"，但好像都于是無補。
於婚姻註冊處跟親友碰面時，他們都會對我說，"我最疼阿翎的，你要好好照顧她！"
她工作時的上司，亦跟眾親友一樣，對我寄語相同的叮嚀。
就連我公母，亦吩咐我，要好好對待他們的媳婦。
我不奇言在想，莫非我給大家的印象真是這麼差，還是我配下上她？我明白大家都是發自於對羅翎的疼愛，我只是有點混亂，倘若你都有跟我說過這番話，不妨給我一個電郵，細說委實。
奉茶給岳父時，他邊擁着羅翎痛哭，邊訴說着他捨不得女兒出嫁。我不斷重申，"我會好好照顧她的"，但好像都于是無補。
於婚姻註冊處跟親友碰面時，他們都會對我說，"我最疼阿翎的，你要好好照顧她！"
她工作時的上司，亦跟眾親友一樣，對我寄語相同的叮嚀。
就連我公母，亦吩咐我，要好好對待他們的媳婦。
我不奇言在想，莫非我給大家的印象真是這麼差，還是我配下上她？我明白大家都是發自於對羅翎的疼愛，我只是有點混亂，倘若你都有跟我說過這番話，不妨給我一個電郵，細說委實。
2/06/2006
Are there anything difficult in the world?
One thing annoys me a lot is, when people keep telling me this is simple.
The people who say so is either don't know shit or they are really clever.
But in reality, I think most of them are just ignorant.
Or is it I am thinking too much? ;)
The people who say so is either don't know shit or they are really clever.
But in reality, I think most of them are just ignorant.
Or is it I am thinking too much? ;)
2/01/2006
Insomnia
I used to sleep soundly, until recently, that I am experiencing a couple of night of insomnia.
It maybe the caffeine, it maybe the restless mind, it maybe both.
My rapidly pumping heart, my coughing dad, all keeps me awake. The restless results in faster metabolism and it gotta pump faster to compensate the dissipation.
It's a dead loop, until it breakdown, or I could sort out the imbalance.
Would this be another changes which shows up as aging?
It maybe the caffeine, it maybe the restless mind, it maybe both.
My rapidly pumping heart, my coughing dad, all keeps me awake. The restless results in faster metabolism and it gotta pump faster to compensate the dissipation.
It's a dead loop, until it breakdown, or I could sort out the imbalance.
Would this be another changes which shows up as aging?
1/27/2006
If I hooked to a pressure gauge
I can bet $10 with you it is pointing to the red zone.
I can feel my shoulder is getting tenser than a bull; feeling miserable at work and bearing the load at home stressed me to a new boundary.
Get if off from yourself, everyone tell me, but how? It's not I want to keep holding the ball but what can I do with it? Circumstances in the former life is the fruit of your present existence, I am surely biting a hard one.
I can feel my shoulder is getting tenser than a bull; feeling miserable at work and bearing the load at home stressed me to a new boundary.
Get if off from yourself, everyone tell me, but how? It's not I want to keep holding the ball but what can I do with it? Circumstances in the former life is the fruit of your present existence, I am surely biting a hard one.
1/20/2006
The relaxed me
Believe it or not, I am having a good time when I am at work. It's been a long time which I could feel the peace in within.
Coffee, music, and the peace of mind. I could have them all, at this moment, in my cubicle.
I have the same experience when I am in Taiwan, in Eslite record store, which I allow myself to expose to new music.
Believe me, life could be good, and you don't need to rich.
Coffee, music, and the peace of mind. I could have them all, at this moment, in my cubicle.
I have the same experience when I am in Taiwan, in Eslite record store, which I allow myself to expose to new music.
Believe me, life could be good, and you don't need to rich.
1/05/2006
"Fair" in my eye
No one is born to be identical.
So the game is started to be "unfair" in a sense. But what bring us to a fair game is the evenness of opportunity given. No matter you are bringing up a child, or a team member among your team, you have to ensure sufficient attendance is given to everyone.
It's pointless to blame the little one when they are not your rising stars. If they are all so mighty, this render the mentor to be worthless.
We already have exceeding amount of unfairness, and as a gentle being, keep giving out on what you can. You cannot change the world but your merit could makes "living" to be a better one.
So the game is started to be "unfair" in a sense. But what bring us to a fair game is the evenness of opportunity given. No matter you are bringing up a child, or a team member among your team, you have to ensure sufficient attendance is given to everyone.
It's pointless to blame the little one when they are not your rising stars. If they are all so mighty, this render the mentor to be worthless.
We already have exceeding amount of unfairness, and as a gentle being, keep giving out on what you can. You cannot change the world but your merit could makes "living" to be a better one.
12/28/2005
當家變得沉重
家，擔當着一個避難以及休息的場所。但當回到家時，反而覺得沉重，悲鬱，實在是有家歸不得。
我是個戀家的人，興趣都是環繞着各種靜態的室內作業；聽音樂，看書，弄咖啡。奈何，每當在家時，週遭都瀰漫着霉霉的，陰沉的，令人不安的分子。
這個懸浮物來自患病而變得消極的父親，來自變得年老而體弱的母親，來自要照顧他們所帶來的壓力，來自犧牲自我空間的鬱結，來自對未婚妻的歉意。
一切都況似別無他法，都況似我需要默然承受。
再忍耐一下吧，我憧憬的生活或許遲些就會來臨；又或許再過一會後，我可以把自身放下，欣然成為個侍奉者。
P.S. 可笑的是，我在三年前亦有相近的狀況，看來，這三年只有把問題隱藏，而並非得到了解決。
我是個戀家的人，興趣都是環繞着各種靜態的室內作業；聽音樂，看書，弄咖啡。奈何，每當在家時，週遭都瀰漫着霉霉的，陰沉的，令人不安的分子。
這個懸浮物來自患病而變得消極的父親，來自變得年老而體弱的母親，來自要照顧他們所帶來的壓力，來自犧牲自我空間的鬱結，來自對未婚妻的歉意。
一切都況似別無他法，都況似我需要默然承受。
再忍耐一下吧，我憧憬的生活或許遲些就會來臨；又或許再過一會後，我可以把自身放下，欣然成為個侍奉者。
P.S. 可笑的是，我在三年前亦有相近的狀況，看來，這三年只有把問題隱藏，而並非得到了解決。
12/21/2005
Intersection point
I feel myself getting very close to the intersection point. The point which I will fed up and have my temper all bursted out.
I keep reminding myself that, it's not fair to transfer the heat in taking care of the family to my parents. Indeed, the recent happenings have my pressure keep building up, to a point that the garbage collection simply doesn't work.
I love what I am doing at work, but I need to put it aside everyday, so that I can go home and cook for everyone.
Monday to Sunday.
I keep telling myself to look around. Mothers around not simply need to work but also cook, as well as taking care of their children.
Will they complain? I guess not. But to think a bit deeper, it's more than that.
Dad relies on the oxygen mask most of the time. He can walk around OK in the podium but to go beyond that, we insist to go along. But guess what, when we were not around yesterday, he went to the bank WITHOUT the mask. It takes at least 10-20 minute to go over there and I believe the total time for a round trip is about 30 min.
So you can imagine how dangerous it could be. But guess why he dares to take the risk? Because he has no money and need to spend?
Hell NO! He just doesn't want to leave the money in the bank when he pass away.
Come on! How much does he got in this account? A fxcking several thousand dollars only!
I am totally speechless. The emotional issue that occured between me, and my parents, are making me sad. I don't mind doing the household but all I am longing is, they can take care of themselves. NO risky act, pleassse.
I don't know how much longer I can hang on to that. But I guess I can prevent a serious outburst. Afterall, I can cry in the toilet.
I keep reminding myself that, it's not fair to transfer the heat in taking care of the family to my parents. Indeed, the recent happenings have my pressure keep building up, to a point that the garbage collection simply doesn't work.
I love what I am doing at work, but I need to put it aside everyday, so that I can go home and cook for everyone.
Monday to Sunday.
I keep telling myself to look around. Mothers around not simply need to work but also cook, as well as taking care of their children.
Will they complain? I guess not. But to think a bit deeper, it's more than that.
Dad relies on the oxygen mask most of the time. He can walk around OK in the podium but to go beyond that, we insist to go along. But guess what, when we were not around yesterday, he went to the bank WITHOUT the mask. It takes at least 10-20 minute to go over there and I believe the total time for a round trip is about 30 min.
So you can imagine how dangerous it could be. But guess why he dares to take the risk? Because he has no money and need to spend?
Hell NO! He just doesn't want to leave the money in the bank when he pass away.
Come on! How much does he got in this account? A fxcking several thousand dollars only!
I am totally speechless. The emotional issue that occured between me, and my parents, are making me sad. I don't mind doing the household but all I am longing is, they can take care of themselves. NO risky act, pleassse.
I don't know how much longer I can hang on to that. But I guess I can prevent a serious outburst. Afterall, I can cry in the toilet.
11/04/2005
The marathon runner
A number of entries have been created for my dad, which I feel unfair to my mom, since she is the marathon runner which I admired on.
She is a patient of valvular heart disease for well over 10 to 20 years. The condition is kept controlled by taking a bunch of pills everyday. How many of them, you might ask?
40.
There are 18 different kinds of pills in total (hey! I do the pills packaging for her!) and some needs to be taken 3 times a day. Her patience and discipline should be well respected. I already felt annoyed by finishing the anti-biotics which last for 5 days. I cannot imagine myself, in taking up pills everyday for years, and not to mention the vast amount!
Stay healthy, my mom.
She is a patient of valvular heart disease for well over 10 to 20 years. The condition is kept controlled by taking a bunch of pills everyday. How many of them, you might ask?
40.
There are 18 different kinds of pills in total (hey! I do the pills packaging for her!) and some needs to be taken 3 times a day. Her patience and discipline should be well respected. I already felt annoyed by finishing the anti-biotics which last for 5 days. I cannot imagine myself, in taking up pills everyday for years, and not to mention the vast amount!
Stay healthy, my mom.
10/16/2005
It's the passion that counts
The desire to write something about myself has gone stale for quite a long time, until recently, which I have gone through the book "Revolution in The Valley ". The book contains articles written by the core developer of the original Macintosh, yeah, the one released in 1984. They talked about the funny things happened during the development, from the very beginning (around 1980) which the project only contains a handful of people only, to the later stage, with well over 80 staff. You can indeed find many of the article from www.folklore.org.
There's a commonlarity among these people, the talent for sure but the most important is, the passion. They are truly in love in the project and this explains why everything can go into the details.
I envy these people, on their talent, as well as their opportunity to work like this.
But to be fair, I am a lucky one too, who can work with 2 passionated team-mate over the previous year and a half. We enjoy doing the project and has achieved something significant (at least by my standard), but I am greedy, I want to do it further without holding back.
This might be my only chance in developing a product, I hope this could be remarkable, and I can feel product of it.
There's a commonlarity among these people, the talent for sure but the most important is, the passion. They are truly in love in the project and this explains why everything can go into the details.
I envy these people, on their talent, as well as their opportunity to work like this.
But to be fair, I am a lucky one too, who can work with 2 passionated team-mate over the previous year and a half. We enjoy doing the project and has achieved something significant (at least by my standard), but I am greedy, I want to do it further without holding back.
This might be my only chance in developing a product, I hope this could be remarkable, and I can feel product of it.
10/12/2005
My dad is a fighter
To live with the terminal illness is no easy task, it's not only the pain and un-comfort, but also what it has taken from you. Your capability in doing things you enjoy, your freedom to go around, and also the appetite to eat.
No matter what happened to him, he is still fighting positively against it, and do whatever he can in minimizing the impact it has given on him.
As his son, I keep wondering what would I be, if I am the one who suffer from this. I definitely won't have the patience to take the loads of medicine every day. And my temper will definitely goes bad against everything happened on me.
Dad, you are my hero and I will fight with you in every moment.
No matter what happened to him, he is still fighting positively against it, and do whatever he can in minimizing the impact it has given on him.
As his son, I keep wondering what would I be, if I am the one who suffer from this. I definitely won't have the patience to take the loads of medicine every day. And my temper will definitely goes bad against everything happened on me.
Dad, you are my hero and I will fight with you in every moment.
8/30/2005
Precious moments
I used to reserve a lot of time for myself in doing little things, like checking the apple fans's websites, reading books or magazines; which I could feel relaxed and gain my enjoyment.
The experience is like eating your own fruit which you grow it up from seedling.
But I have fewer and fewer time which I could spend. It is one of the difficult changes that I have to get used to. I need to set priority, giving way to things which I need to do first, instead of touching this and that at wills.
It is not easy but every seconds now I own is my precious moment.
The experience is like eating your own fruit which you grow it up from seedling.
But I have fewer and fewer time which I could spend. It is one of the difficult changes that I have to get used to. I need to set priority, giving way to things which I need to do first, instead of touching this and that at wills.
It is not easy but every seconds now I own is my precious moment.
7/03/2005
I learnt about life .. when I am washing the dishes
The family dine at my place frequently in these few days, since the chef, i.e. my dad, has went into the hospital who is suffering from lung cancer.
I was washing the dishes tonight and I think about all the scenario that will be happening ahead, dad suffering from the side effect of radiotherapy, getting in and out of the hospital, receiving phone call from the hospital when the moment has come.
So on so forth.
And then I have realised what life really meant.
Life is like going around the world after reading all the "Lonely Planet" ..
You learnt all the landmark but you don't know the place without getting to it.
I know I will get through all the exam, worrying about my graduation, my career, my marriage, etc. I know that people around me will be leaving one after the other and finally will be my parents and my wife. And at the end of the journey, I will be passed away too.
I know all these but I don't really understand what it is and how to get through in advance. No one can tell me but experiencing it by myself.
I was washing the dishes tonight and I think about all the scenario that will be happening ahead, dad suffering from the side effect of radiotherapy, getting in and out of the hospital, receiving phone call from the hospital when the moment has come.
So on so forth.
And then I have realised what life really meant.
Life is like going around the world after reading all the "Lonely Planet" ..
You learnt all the landmark but you don't know the place without getting to it.
I know I will get through all the exam, worrying about my graduation, my career, my marriage, etc. I know that people around me will be leaving one after the other and finally will be my parents and my wife. And at the end of the journey, I will be passed away too.
I know all these but I don't really understand what it is and how to get through in advance. No one can tell me but experiencing it by myself.
6/27/2005
How organize can a plate of spaghetti could be?
I am losing my focus and things become disorganized.
My dad has sent to the hospital, was informed that he will be undergoing the operation tomorrow. The anxiety begins to grow, worrying about how well the operation can be, is he able to recover and remain as strong as he used to be. Am I able to cope with the changes in our daily routine and what should I do for all the issues that will soon be coming up.
I am as uncertain as a pile of messed up spaghetti, one thing tied up with another and everyone of them could be a lead that awaits you to resolve.
My dad has sent to the hospital, was informed that he will be undergoing the operation tomorrow. The anxiety begins to grow, worrying about how well the operation can be, is he able to recover and remain as strong as he used to be. Am I able to cope with the changes in our daily routine and what should I do for all the issues that will soon be coming up.
I am as uncertain as a pile of messed up spaghetti, one thing tied up with another and everyone of them could be a lead that awaits you to resolve.
3/04/2005
Pragmatic or not
Warning! Geek's talk ahead!
If "SIT" only means
Pragmatic or not to be.
I am trying to embrace the pragmatic approach for the current product development, it went on nicely so far, until the point that it needs to be worked with another team.
Additional requirement, behavior and expectation from the product suddenly emerged all together. Documents, documents and documents, every different bits and pieces are requested from the new comer. And all of a sudden, I realised that I simply don't have much to offer.
The old reason why there aren't detail documentation on everything that has been done is plainly because I won't be able to update the documents before implementing anything. Also, the product is still in the work in progress phase, documentation
is simply the lowest priority among everything.
I agreed that there should be details be drawn at some point but is it necessary to have it throughout the whole process? Is it something "Pragmatic"?
I doubt so. Then where's the line should be drawn?
Wiki, it should be a good candidate for requirement tracking and design principal but is it for everyone?
I have no clue, yet. Your thought?
If "SIT" only means
"To rest with the torso vertical and the body supported on the buttocks. - dictionary.com"to you, then you probably won't be interested in the following article.
Pragmatic or not to be.
I am trying to embrace the pragmatic approach for the current product development, it went on nicely so far, until the point that it needs to be worked with another team.
Additional requirement, behavior and expectation from the product suddenly emerged all together. Documents, documents and documents, every different bits and pieces are requested from the new comer. And all of a sudden, I realised that I simply don't have much to offer.
The old reason why there aren't detail documentation on everything that has been done is plainly because I won't be able to update the documents before implementing anything. Also, the product is still in the work in progress phase, documentation
is simply the lowest priority among everything.
I agreed that there should be details be drawn at some point but is it necessary to have it throughout the whole process? Is it something "Pragmatic"?
I doubt so. Then where's the line should be drawn?
Wiki, it should be a good candidate for requirement tracking and design principal but is it for everyone?
I have no clue, yet. Your thought?
1/07/2005
Mis-understand
It would be good if the Hardboiled Wonderland do exist. No one can do harm to the others and no state of mind exist.
Do you have the experience of trying to express how you feel but turns out what the other has perceived is totally different? I feel this always.
I hope I can build up the unbreakable wall, enclosing myself into this wonderland and live with the people that I make up. Life could be perfect .. in a way.
Do you have the experience of trying to express how you feel but turns out what the other has perceived is totally different? I feel this always.
I hope I can build up the unbreakable wall, enclosing myself into this wonderland and live with the people that I make up. Life could be perfect .. in a way.
10/03/2004
Struggling
It's quite amazing when you grow older and older. You start to figure out how fast your dignity is washing away and how easy you compromise on happening that against your belief.
To live on, you have to follow the public belief - the value proposition that is widely recognized among the population. The further away you are stepping from the line, the higher the risk to live on - public mass pulling off their acepetance, job security suddenly becomes a question.
Don't challenge what the norm belives in, follow the pattern that everyone is living could give you a higher chance of survival. It's tough to me cause it involve the lowering of what I believe in.
The way I treasure on something - creativity, the love and passon, as well as how one can get concentrated in making things happen. Be it an invention of software, a business one has started. Thing should be simple but it doesn't meant it's effortless. I treasure on how much they did in getting it delivered.
The way of doing, on events happening against me - the so-called "self protection" by being suspicious to people working or living with. Be it a passenger you bump in, during a ride on the MTR, a colleague that you see everyday. How frequent that you has to package your idea or opinion so that you can make sure the maximum benefits can always be given to your side.
The matter of trust becomes so thin that I feel very scary. I feel miserable on why it is not suspected by anyone but me. OK, I know I am not the only one but I cannot find anyone that I know is having the same thought. When is the last time that you opened your heart? How come we have to deliver or project a false message to the recipient, in order to get what we want. Or push them to the trap that we have setup. Why aren't we eager to speak up the truth? When something is bad, it is bad! It shouldn't be mentioned as simply "No Good"!
Holding the forge is no simple task, you have to depart with the comrade that was all the way along, the comrade that you could left your live to. Indeed, you just cannot have both - either your belief or your companion.
Life doesn't mean to embrace everyone but why couldn't I just live on as how I see fit? You don't need to agree on me but please, don't throw stones at me while I am walking on my path.
To live on, you have to follow the public belief - the value proposition that is widely recognized among the population. The further away you are stepping from the line, the higher the risk to live on - public mass pulling off their acepetance, job security suddenly becomes a question.
Don't challenge what the norm belives in, follow the pattern that everyone is living could give you a higher chance of survival. It's tough to me cause it involve the lowering of what I believe in.
The way I treasure on something - creativity, the love and passon, as well as how one can get concentrated in making things happen. Be it an invention of software, a business one has started. Thing should be simple but it doesn't meant it's effortless. I treasure on how much they did in getting it delivered.
The way of doing, on events happening against me - the so-called "self protection" by being suspicious to people working or living with. Be it a passenger you bump in, during a ride on the MTR, a colleague that you see everyday. How frequent that you has to package your idea or opinion so that you can make sure the maximum benefits can always be given to your side.
The matter of trust becomes so thin that I feel very scary. I feel miserable on why it is not suspected by anyone but me. OK, I know I am not the only one but I cannot find anyone that I know is having the same thought. When is the last time that you opened your heart? How come we have to deliver or project a false message to the recipient, in order to get what we want. Or push them to the trap that we have setup. Why aren't we eager to speak up the truth? When something is bad, it is bad! It shouldn't be mentioned as simply "No Good"!
Holding the forge is no simple task, you have to depart with the comrade that was all the way along, the comrade that you could left your live to. Indeed, you just cannot have both - either your belief or your companion.
Life doesn't mean to embrace everyone but why couldn't I just live on as how I see fit? You don't need to agree on me but please, don't throw stones at me while I am walking on my path.
8/24/2004
As I have told you many times, I am someone low in confidence and easily envy on people who could do things better than I do.
And it turns out I won't get close to many of the people around. I don't like to feel crapy when I hang around with others.
Speaking up to be open minded is easy but it is not when you try to act. It is not I don't want to listen to but I don't want to bow down to someone I dislike.
Have I told you I am selective in choosing who to listen to?
Yeah, I find it's like a magic, I could feel interesting when I learn a thing or two from someone I can get close to. I would admire this guy, too. But if he is someone that I dislike, I feel disgusting.
It is always a struggle when I don't know something which can be solved easily or something which should be treated as fundamental. I am imposing strict rules to myself but I am lazy to beat myself up.
And it turns out I won't get close to many of the people around. I don't like to feel crapy when I hang around with others.
Speaking up to be open minded is easy but it is not when you try to act. It is not I don't want to listen to but I don't want to bow down to someone I dislike.
Have I told you I am selective in choosing who to listen to?
Yeah, I find it's like a magic, I could feel interesting when I learn a thing or two from someone I can get close to. I would admire this guy, too. But if he is someone that I dislike, I feel disgusting.
It is always a struggle when I don't know something which can be solved easily or something which should be treated as fundamental. I am imposing strict rules to myself but I am lazy to beat myself up.
8/16/2004
Living in the lonely planet
I have to admit that I am a narrow minded person. I stand quite firm on what I believe and is not that open minded towards idea of others. Unless they are given by people that I trust.
And I am not good at striking for anything that I need. I think I would expect the others can observe my needs and act accordingly.
The product development should be fun but it's not. It's now like chasing a moving target and I am the only one who is trying to strike for it. My team-mate is now taken away by the other product team. Claiming he knows well enough on the other product and he can help more on it. But hey, you can't just say he's good and I want it and take him away!
Everyone wants a top notch buddy but if you don't have one, you gotta think!
It speaks for myself, too. I lose the team-mate and I better restructure on my next move.
The thing that annoy me is the instability, I guess. It's not moving on in the pace that I feel comfortable with. I guess that's the reason.
Anyway, time to brush up myself.
And I am not good at striking for anything that I need. I think I would expect the others can observe my needs and act accordingly.
The product development should be fun but it's not. It's now like chasing a moving target and I am the only one who is trying to strike for it. My team-mate is now taken away by the other product team. Claiming he knows well enough on the other product and he can help more on it. But hey, you can't just say he's good and I want it and take him away!
Everyone wants a top notch buddy but if you don't have one, you gotta think!
It speaks for myself, too. I lose the team-mate and I better restructure on my next move.
The thing that annoy me is the instability, I guess. It's not moving on in the pace that I feel comfortable with. I guess that's the reason.
Anyway, time to brush up myself.
8/12/2004
Birthday
Today is my birthday, the 31st birthday that I have gone through. Unlike others, I am spending my day with my mom, who is staying in the hospital.
Luckily, she is doing good and is recovering from the flu and inflammation that she has got over the weekend. Hopefully, she will be out of the hospital on tomorrow morning.
Birthday, is already not a special occasion to me, but it is still a nice happening since I can give myself an excuse to buy something for fun. Other than that, it's more or less the same as the rest of the 365 days that you and me are going through.
In another 2 weeks, I will be having a vacation since March, going to Taiwan with Annis, the place that I would call my "Second Home". It's already my fifth or sixth visit but I am still very excited. I am looking forward to go over there, to meet my friends and the places that I feel familiar with.
It is all about the experience, the life style that I am going to live with. The atmosphere in the coffee shop, the friendliness among me and my friends, the cultural impact from the bookstore, the CD store. The way of living that I can feel re-assure and harmonized. I will not feel the emptiness of losing myself.
Whereas in Hong Kong, I could feel myself an isolated one, an alien to the society. I feel insecure, hollow and losing the momentum and direction of moving forward. That's why I enjoy reading; to fit myself into the world of my desire and writing to reshape myself into the reality.
Luckily, she is doing good and is recovering from the flu and inflammation that she has got over the weekend. Hopefully, she will be out of the hospital on tomorrow morning.
Birthday, is already not a special occasion to me, but it is still a nice happening since I can give myself an excuse to buy something for fun. Other than that, it's more or less the same as the rest of the 365 days that you and me are going through.
In another 2 weeks, I will be having a vacation since March, going to Taiwan with Annis, the place that I would call my "Second Home". It's already my fifth or sixth visit but I am still very excited. I am looking forward to go over there, to meet my friends and the places that I feel familiar with.
It is all about the experience, the life style that I am going to live with. The atmosphere in the coffee shop, the friendliness among me and my friends, the cultural impact from the bookstore, the CD store. The way of living that I can feel re-assure and harmonized. I will not feel the emptiness of losing myself.
Whereas in Hong Kong, I could feel myself an isolated one, an alien to the society. I feel insecure, hollow and losing the momentum and direction of moving forward. That's why I enjoy reading; to fit myself into the world of my desire and writing to reshape myself into the reality.
7/08/2004
Now what?
The public mass finally have their desire settled, now what?
Heading for the next little lamb, striking for the same request and demonstrating the same pressure to the individuals who used to serve what they can? I guess I now know what a politician is good at - finger pointing.
I have given up the hope, I don't think it worths my effort to go for election. There's no one I can pick and whoever take over the seat is the same pile of dung.
Keep raising your throat and strike for the your sky high justice. That's nothing I care about.
Heading for the next little lamb, striking for the same request and demonstrating the same pressure to the individuals who used to serve what they can? I guess I now know what a politician is good at - finger pointing.
I have given up the hope, I don't think it worths my effort to go for election. There's no one I can pick and whoever take over the seat is the same pile of dung.
Keep raising your throat and strike for the your sky high justice. That's nothing I care about.
6/24/2004
The perspective
Do you have the experience of having no one looking into a matter the same way as you do? Have you ever wonder on why everyone who talks around you is so annoying and having an attitude problem?
All these grows with me every day.
I am working with a bunch of people, all of them are nice but indeed, I can't concentrate on my own stuff when they keep bubbling non-sense next to me. The conversation is not really non-sense, just that any conversation comes up feels like non-sense to me. The worst part of it is, some of them is trying to look down on the others, I don't see they have the privilege in doing so.
Opinion, this is a very personal matter but it is so in person that I can find no one having the same thought as I do. And it goes to the other extreme, too. Something which looks quite obvious to me doesn't seems to be carried around to the others. If something cannot be finished, be it, there is something we call un-finished matter.
There always are priority and schedules. We are born or hire to manage things but not to slave things through. Am I the only one who is aware of that?
Opinion, apart from not being able to find someone of the same thought, I found annoying when my thought is being challenged. OK, I am narrow mind, I have to admit but I guess no one like to be challenged? Respect where I stand and if U want to discuss, be nice.
I think I can go no where and work with no one. Maybe I should stay in the cave, until I can figure out what the truth is.
All these grows with me every day.
I am working with a bunch of people, all of them are nice but indeed, I can't concentrate on my own stuff when they keep bubbling non-sense next to me. The conversation is not really non-sense, just that any conversation comes up feels like non-sense to me. The worst part of it is, some of them is trying to look down on the others, I don't see they have the privilege in doing so.
Opinion, this is a very personal matter but it is so in person that I can find no one having the same thought as I do. And it goes to the other extreme, too. Something which looks quite obvious to me doesn't seems to be carried around to the others. If something cannot be finished, be it, there is something we call un-finished matter.
There always are priority and schedules. We are born or hire to manage things but not to slave things through. Am I the only one who is aware of that?
Opinion, apart from not being able to find someone of the same thought, I found annoying when my thought is being challenged. OK, I am narrow mind, I have to admit but I guess no one like to be challenged? Respect where I stand and if U want to discuss, be nice.
I think I can go no where and work with no one. Maybe I should stay in the cave, until I can figure out what the truth is.
6/16/2004
Shameful
There are lots of achievement that are reached by the Chinese, be it in Sports, Science or even Arts. It is amazing, in terms of volume and the level of achievement.
But I feel shameful as a Chinese.
I feel totally sorry when I look back for the 4000+ years that we have lived through. How many things we have done wrong? And the scale of problem is massive - the burying of scholars by Emperor Qin, the Cultural Revolution, the June Fourth Movement and all the mis-behaving businessmen that could easily be spot in every province throughout China.
Harm is done not only to them(or our?)selves but also to people in different region. I would name it the pest of mankind, of course, we are not alone, there are races who are performing problem to similar scale, too.
To be fair, I don't think I will feel proud of being whatever races, like what I have heard from, mankind is created to destory the Earth. It is fundamentally wrong of being a Human.
But I feel shameful as a Chinese.
I feel totally sorry when I look back for the 4000+ years that we have lived through. How many things we have done wrong? And the scale of problem is massive - the burying of scholars by Emperor Qin, the Cultural Revolution, the June Fourth Movement and all the mis-behaving businessmen that could easily be spot in every province throughout China.
Harm is done not only to them(or our?)selves but also to people in different region. I would name it the pest of mankind, of course, we are not alone, there are races who are performing problem to similar scale, too.
To be fair, I don't think I will feel proud of being whatever races, like what I have heard from, mankind is created to destory the Earth. It is fundamentally wrong of being a Human.
6/15/2004
The familiar uncertainty
I thought I have morphed into the other me; the me without the uncertainty, the me who is emotionally stabilized. Indeed, I was just getting into the development passage of the sonata.
The motif is now recapitulated.
Last night, I was reading the material about my favourite author, and to my surprise, my long gone memory flashes back. I felt what I felt when I was young, when I have doubt on everything. When I was looking at the surrounding from an isolated perspective, abstracting myself from the crowd.
Me and only me.
I dare not to speak up (again) and I felt no one around that I dare to speak up with. We are not in the same channel. To think a step further, it's not happened so all of a sudden. Highlights are given during the course, I feel assured that no matter how close you can go with someone, no gurantee that it will last forever. The self is the only body you can rely on. To go along with and accompany. Prepare for the individualism, planning for the lonely trip on my birthday..
Climax will be reached upon recapitulation, be it dramatic or in peace.
The motif is now recapitulated.
Last night, I was reading the material about my favourite author, and to my surprise, my long gone memory flashes back. I felt what I felt when I was young, when I have doubt on everything. When I was looking at the surrounding from an isolated perspective, abstracting myself from the crowd.
Me and only me.
I dare not to speak up (again) and I felt no one around that I dare to speak up with. We are not in the same channel. To think a step further, it's not happened so all of a sudden. Highlights are given during the course, I feel assured that no matter how close you can go with someone, no gurantee that it will last forever. The self is the only body you can rely on. To go along with and accompany. Prepare for the individualism, planning for the lonely trip on my birthday..
Climax will be reached upon recapitulation, be it dramatic or in peace.
6/06/2004
15 Years
I was 15 years old 15 years ago.
The night, I cried.
Today, I saw the same footage again, I try to tell my cousin aged 5 and 6, on what had happened 15 years ago. The little girl have the same response as everyone of us.
"Why do they (the activitists) get accused even they haven't done anything wrong?"
I am amazed that a little girl aged at 6 can also recognize something obvious.
The night, I cried.
Today, I saw the same footage again, I try to tell my cousin aged 5 and 6, on what had happened 15 years ago. The little girl have the same response as everyone of us.
"Why do they (the activitists) get accused even they haven't done anything wrong?"
I am amazed that a little girl aged at 6 can also recognize something obvious.
2/25/2004
My last night with my comrade
3 and a half years, apart from my team, it is this little buddy who hang on as long as I am awake. Overnight, working weekend, at home or overseas. This is my workhorse, my source of entertainment and my portal for communication.
Farewell, my friend. Thanks for the happy time and the fullest support in all the crucial moment. These three and a half year will be boring without you hanging around.
May the new comer work as close as we do and take care.
BB, to my mighty IBM 600X and T40.
Farewell, my friend. Thanks for the happy time and the fullest support in all the crucial moment. These three and a half year will be boring without you hanging around.
May the new comer work as close as we do and take care.
BB, to my mighty IBM 600X and T40.
2/12/2004
Bach and the resigned me.
The decision to resign is not a small one and it's good that Goldberg variation is playing right behind me when I hit the "Sent" button. I feel re-assured and see the twilight of my new beginning.
12/17/2003
I think I care
The arena which I once was the King is now captured by someone else, he is performing and praise is given.
I am jealous.
And yet, it is myself who has selected to give out the throne but why do I still care about how well the new Emperor is performing?
It is the geek inside who think he can do the same but only better. After all, I still treasure the praise from others.
I am jealous.
And yet, it is myself who has selected to give out the throne but why do I still care about how well the new Emperor is performing?
It is the geek inside who think he can do the same but only better. After all, I still treasure the praise from others.
The perspective of thinking
It has been discussed for many times - Job Sucks.
I am unhappy in my job, I feel no satisfaction, joy, archivement in my job. I keep feeling the pressure, the tiredness. Anyway, this is not what I am trying to discuss now.
The older I am, the further I found myself away from my closed friend. Our way of thinking starts to depart, my age keeps it's annual increment but the principal of thinking seems diverting to a direction different from people in my same age group. Things that I see it is wrong are looked as they are normal to them. They have the argument that I don't agree with, why it has to be like this, I asked myself.
I am not feeling lonely but I found fewer and fewer people staying in the same channel as I do. One way of seeing it is, more channels are opened (by meeting new friends) and it is difficult to stay in the same channel all the time. But me, umm, I have met new friend too, but my desire to change channel is little.
I have two choices - widen up my boundary and bump into more social life or get used to what I enjoy, staying in within and admit the reality.
I am unhappy in my job, I feel no satisfaction, joy, archivement in my job. I keep feeling the pressure, the tiredness. Anyway, this is not what I am trying to discuss now.
The older I am, the further I found myself away from my closed friend. Our way of thinking starts to depart, my age keeps it's annual increment but the principal of thinking seems diverting to a direction different from people in my same age group. Things that I see it is wrong are looked as they are normal to them. They have the argument that I don't agree with, why it has to be like this, I asked myself.
I am not feeling lonely but I found fewer and fewer people staying in the same channel as I do. One way of seeing it is, more channels are opened (by meeting new friends) and it is difficult to stay in the same channel all the time. But me, umm, I have met new friend too, but my desire to change channel is little.
I have two choices - widen up my boundary and bump into more social life or get used to what I enjoy, staying in within and admit the reality.
11/26/2003
Am I difficult to work with?
I thought I can be an up-to-par mentor.. or at least a team-mate that won't be hated by other team member. But recently, I found myself becoming easier to get angry with whatever thing, when they are not developing into what I desire. I lost my patient easily.
Besides, I think I hate lazy ass, if everything has to be told precisely, what I mean is, the detail level has to be go down to every single incident, then why do I need a team? I can do everything myself! I expect people to look for the answer, at least try to, before approaching and get the answer straight.
I hope this is just a temporary emotional issue or the desire to grow strong as a self-centred person will become out of hand.
Besides, I think I hate lazy ass, if everything has to be told precisely, what I mean is, the detail level has to be go down to every single incident, then why do I need a team? I can do everything myself! I expect people to look for the answer, at least try to, before approaching and get the answer straight.
I hope this is just a temporary emotional issue or the desire to grow strong as a self-centred person will become out of hand.
11/19/2003
The struggling body
Heart beating, spirit filled up with anger but still have to accomplish on the task "assigned". Call me someone with low EQ but I would gratefully considering myself as someone with character.
But why am I having such a bad feeling? The tasks themselves are neutral in nature and it is me attaching all the emotion.
Again, why?
I am seeing all these as negative, something trying to act against me and that's why I feel bad. But then, no one is trying to do me harm, I am just projecting this out, considering everyone is pushing me to the corner.
The true corner is, I can't meet up the schedule and I am afraid of the happening. Afraid of being blamed on, being put in the position of fault.
I can't stand for being put in the difficult position, I accept no fault to myself.
No matter how many times I told myself, the failure doesn't matter, the failure is not something life and death. I am not convinced. I am trying to push for the deadline. I am working hard. And I don't see it justify. And I lost my time to do what I want. And that's why I feel angry.
It's that simple.
I feel angry = I don't have time to play.
A child to the end.
But why am I having such a bad feeling? The tasks themselves are neutral in nature and it is me attaching all the emotion.
Again, why?
I am seeing all these as negative, something trying to act against me and that's why I feel bad. But then, no one is trying to do me harm, I am just projecting this out, considering everyone is pushing me to the corner.
The true corner is, I can't meet up the schedule and I am afraid of the happening. Afraid of being blamed on, being put in the position of fault.
I can't stand for being put in the difficult position, I accept no fault to myself.
No matter how many times I told myself, the failure doesn't matter, the failure is not something life and death. I am not convinced. I am trying to push for the deadline. I am working hard. And I don't see it justify. And I lost my time to do what I want. And that's why I feel angry.
It's that simple.
I feel angry = I don't have time to play.
A child to the end.
11/03/2003
The diminishing of self isolation
After Mr. Bell has invented the telephone, people started losing the
excuses from not reporting or connecting to the party concerned. Still,
we are hooked with the avaiplability of telephone network, but together
with the invention and advancement of pager and cellular phone, this excuse
starts fading out.
We can get connected all the time, everywhere.
But it seems this is not enough yet, SMS and even instant messaging
is growing strongly, not only as a thing of leisure but as a medium
for corporate usage.
My question is, am I so important that I need to be reached all time?
Shouldn't there a limit in reaching by anyone, and let alone having the own time and doing something
private? I think we are born to do things important to our own
but not helping others to get there things done.
The technology itself does not necessary to be a bad thing but the people who
use it can be. I just hope that people will recognitize all the outcome
before embracing all these thing on the horizon.
excuses from not reporting or connecting to the party concerned. Still,
we are hooked with the avaiplability of telephone network, but together
with the invention and advancement of pager and cellular phone, this excuse
starts fading out.
We can get connected all the time, everywhere.
But it seems this is not enough yet, SMS and even instant messaging
is growing strongly, not only as a thing of leisure but as a medium
for corporate usage.
My question is, am I so important that I need to be reached all time?
Shouldn't there a limit in reaching by anyone, and let alone having the own time and doing something
private? I think we are born to do things important to our own
but not helping others to get there things done.
The technology itself does not necessary to be a bad thing but the people who
use it can be. I just hope that people will recognitize all the outcome
before embracing all these thing on the horizon.
10/23/2003
Escape
Philip told me about the desire to escape, I didn't realize I have the same thought until he raised this up in our recent conversation.
I have been deciding to go for a long time, because of the stress, frustration, boredom, etc. And the desire to escape is indeed one of the key factor, too.
Imagine you are playing freefall for 10 times a day, and you don't know for how many more times you gotta play with. This is what I have been experiencing in these couple of months.
Indeed, tackling with the performance issue is no new thing, I have to deal with this in every single project I have been working on. I feel panic everytime but definitely not as much as it is now. This one is not in anyway more complicated than the others, the major different is, I have to face the user directly and the application has already roll out to production. It seems to me that there are not any buffer to fine tune the process.
What even worst is, I don't seems to know on how to improve the performance. Have I told you I am on my own, too?
The phone just rang and the desire to quit grows again. I don't want to worry about it each day until either I died or everything get forget.
I have been deciding to go for a long time, because of the stress, frustration, boredom, etc. And the desire to escape is indeed one of the key factor, too.
Imagine you are playing freefall for 10 times a day, and you don't know for how many more times you gotta play with. This is what I have been experiencing in these couple of months.
Indeed, tackling with the performance issue is no new thing, I have to deal with this in every single project I have been working on. I feel panic everytime but definitely not as much as it is now. This one is not in anyway more complicated than the others, the major different is, I have to face the user directly and the application has already roll out to production. It seems to me that there are not any buffer to fine tune the process.
What even worst is, I don't seems to know on how to improve the performance. Have I told you I am on my own, too?
The phone just rang and the desire to quit grows again. I don't want to worry about it each day until either I died or everything get forget.
9/22/2003
Try your best
This is the number 1 rule that we all first learnt, but the interpretation varies among different people.
To me, I am taking it damn serious,so serious that, the "best" I interpret means I should try with all my might, squeezing the very last bit of energy out of what I have.
This is tiring, very damn tiring.
I didn't realize this is wrong, until I found that I will die if I keep on squeezing but still cannot archive what is needed.
So, what's the best one can do?
Take away the time that should't be sacrificed - sleep, eat, rest, etc. The remaining is the time that you can optimized.
I gotta freeze and stick with this baseline, or else, I will be crushed in any time.
To me, I am taking it damn serious,so serious that, the "best" I interpret means I should try with all my might, squeezing the very last bit of energy out of what I have.
This is tiring, very damn tiring.
I didn't realize this is wrong, until I found that I will die if I keep on squeezing but still cannot archive what is needed.
So, what's the best one can do?
Take away the time that should't be sacrificed - sleep, eat, rest, etc. The remaining is the time that you can optimized.
I gotta freeze and stick with this baseline, or else, I will be crushed in any time.
9/21/2003
Feeling of anxiety
I think this is something called adrenaline, if I know what is composed of, I will get rid of eating anything possessing this element.
OK, from the moment I am in the office, my heart is beating faster than it actually needs. I guess. An I feel myself is very tense - my shoulder is tight and I don't have any appetitte.
What's happening is that, I have numbers of obstacles ahead but I only have limited ammo, where and when should I shoot and what if I missed and what even if I shot it down and will I have a chance to win this stupid game?
I am confused. I don't dare to win and I don't mind losing, just give me a choice, OK?
OK, from the moment I am in the office, my heart is beating faster than it actually needs. I guess. An I feel myself is very tense - my shoulder is tight and I don't have any appetitte.
What's happening is that, I have numbers of obstacles ahead but I only have limited ammo, where and when should I shoot and what if I missed and what even if I shot it down and will I have a chance to win this stupid game?
I am confused. I don't dare to win and I don't mind losing, just give me a choice, OK?
Lover is
My lover is someone I want to see when I go back home.
My lover is someone who I want to go out with
My lover is someone who I will get worried if she is late from work
My lover is someone who will laugh with me when seeing a cute little child
My lover is someone who will call me softly when I am weak and need encouragement
My lover is someone who I want to share everything with
My lover is you, Annis, my loved one.
My lover is someone who I want to go out with
My lover is someone who I will get worried if she is late from work
My lover is someone who will laugh with me when seeing a cute little child
My lover is someone who will call me softly when I am weak and need encouragement
My lover is someone who I want to share everything with
My lover is you, Annis, my loved one.
9/16/2003
When the boundary fades away
I feel frustrated, helpless and stressful.
When the cell phone ring and you no longer can be sure it is from any friends you know, when you are not certain if you should relax and do whatever you enjoy, you are blurring the boundary between your work and regular life.
I am one of the one to blame on, since I cannot manage the tasks properly. Giving an impression that, everything on hand has to be done right at the spot. It is not necessary for most of the time, besides, there's always a limit that we should bind ourselves to. If everything has to be executed in such a tight schedule, no one can live with it and quality cannot be promised.
Back to the old saying, play well when you are free, work hard when you need to.
Sounds simple but I should keep reminding myself every moment from now on.
When the cell phone ring and you no longer can be sure it is from any friends you know, when you are not certain if you should relax and do whatever you enjoy, you are blurring the boundary between your work and regular life.
I am one of the one to blame on, since I cannot manage the tasks properly. Giving an impression that, everything on hand has to be done right at the spot. It is not necessary for most of the time, besides, there's always a limit that we should bind ourselves to. If everything has to be executed in such a tight schedule, no one can live with it and quality cannot be promised.
Back to the old saying, play well when you are free, work hard when you need to.
Sounds simple but I should keep reminding myself every moment from now on.
9/13/2003
Where the fun has gone
The happy time, the excited moment, which I once has found and expierenced, has now gone to nowhere.
I had fun with the experinment, just about a month ago, but now, I simply don't have the initiative to work on it, I can no longer see the fun behind.
The nature of the experinment is interesting as still, just that I am dragged back to the same chaos before. When I am in the mildst of the torture, I have lost my energy and momentum to do anything.
Also, I don't know how to rest well.
This whind up to a complete mess.. unless I either found the solution or can get the hell out of it.
I had fun with the experinment, just about a month ago, but now, I simply don't have the initiative to work on it, I can no longer see the fun behind.
The nature of the experinment is interesting as still, just that I am dragged back to the same chaos before. When I am in the mildst of the torture, I have lost my energy and momentum to do anything.
Also, I don't know how to rest well.
This whind up to a complete mess.. unless I either found the solution or can get the hell out of it.
9/07/2003
Buddy, you hit the spot (and you hit it hard)
This is the second time that I feel angry and want to quit right away. And with this recent encountering, I can finally tell where is my dead zone and the cause that will make me want to quit.
Dignit and respect. The core of what I need in every job. When anyone is having doubt on either of the two, bingo buddy, you hit the spot that will make me resign.
I have rpeated for many times, workload, satisfaction and fun, are some of the factors that make me feels wanna resign, but I could bear with it most of the time, better said, I could endure for a while.
But when I found myself working without dignity, have to compromise on the core of my base line, I cannot tolerate.
And now is the moment...
May luck be with me that I can soon swift away from this shit.
Dignit and respect. The core of what I need in every job. When anyone is having doubt on either of the two, bingo buddy, you hit the spot that will make me resign.
I have rpeated for many times, workload, satisfaction and fun, are some of the factors that make me feels wanna resign, but I could bear with it most of the time, better said, I could endure for a while.
But when I found myself working without dignity, have to compromise on the core of my base line, I cannot tolerate.
And now is the moment...
May luck be with me that I can soon swift away from this shit.
8/31/2003
Individualism
Just get passed my 30 years milestone and something seems to be swirling around. I don't intended to push the switch but I maybe doing it sub-consciously.
I feel myself going back to where I am 10 years ago.
I am not rejuvenating but the once sealed gateway is tearing off bit by bit. The once diverted me is behaving as what I was.
Starting from the journey I went to Taiwan, I am enjoying more and more of my own time. I grab every opportunity that I can, to isolate myself.
I have a question and I need an answer. The way to achive is to think and I need time and isolation in doing so. More and more of my time is being spent in meaningless events -- working in the area / direction that I don't intend to. And the more I have done, the further away I found myself from what I want to be -- uber geek.
I can sense myself compromising on more than I would, I feel helpless. It seems to me that I don't have an alternative.
"Do something you care about", the prophecy said.
I started my dataCapsule and walk blogging project, it helps but I feel tired.. since I simply cannot split myself between here and there.
In 10 years, I will reach another milestone. Time will not wait for anyone and decision has to be made in every moment. In a fiercely flowing stream, I have to concentrate and make sure I am going to where I want.
I feel myself going back to where I am 10 years ago.
I am not rejuvenating but the once sealed gateway is tearing off bit by bit. The once diverted me is behaving as what I was.
Starting from the journey I went to Taiwan, I am enjoying more and more of my own time. I grab every opportunity that I can, to isolate myself.
I have a question and I need an answer. The way to achive is to think and I need time and isolation in doing so. More and more of my time is being spent in meaningless events -- working in the area / direction that I don't intend to. And the more I have done, the further away I found myself from what I want to be -- uber geek.
I can sense myself compromising on more than I would, I feel helpless. It seems to me that I don't have an alternative.
"Do something you care about", the prophecy said.
I started my dataCapsule and walk blogging project, it helps but I feel tired.. since I simply cannot split myself between here and there.
In 10 years, I will reach another milestone. Time will not wait for anyone and decision has to be made in every moment. In a fiercely flowing stream, I have to concentrate and make sure I am going to where I want.
8/03/2003
The "dataCapsule" project - Episode 1
I know I have been herbinated for quite a while.. before heading full throttle to anything serious, well, I don't mean this article is not serious, just in a different perspective.
Let's read the "Geek Talk".
Let's read the "Geek Talk".
9/27/2002
Pre-flight symptom
I tell you what, I can feel my adrenaline thrushing around myself. The day come finally -- having to spend 13 hours on a flight in a cramped seat makes me nervous X).
OK, be honest, what tinker me most is having to spend my days in an unfamiliar land, a totally new continent. I have read quite a number of article on the spot to visit, the way to travel around, what I am expected to see. But still, I feel in-secure and not well prepared. Also, it will be my first time to take a non-direct flight, I am just not sure what is going to happen.
Better head back to my job first...
OK, be honest, what tinker me most is having to spend my days in an unfamiliar land, a totally new continent. I have read quite a number of article on the spot to visit, the way to travel around, what I am expected to see. But still, I feel in-secure and not well prepared. Also, it will be my first time to take a non-direct flight, I am just not sure what is going to happen.
Better head back to my job first...
9/22/2002
The Coffee (aka the desired coffee shop)
Good coffe bean, destinctive espresso and smoothy milk froth, that's what make up a good cup of coffee.
The more I observe and the more I practise, I found that it is not as difficult as I thought in making up a good cup of coffee. So what makes mine special that people will dare to come and consume?
I have no confident.
I know it sounds like simple and I know there are tricks I have yet to learn. Indeed, is it really be so? I mean, everyone can possess the technique since that's not a trick that needs a rocket science degree.
OK, you wanna tell me the place counts and I agree totally. But as I told you last time that people come for the coffee and the shop itself contributes to a tiny part of it after all.
P.S. One thing I have missed is the people who serve in the shop, not only the barista but everyone inside, that's not simply a phrase of greeting but the attitude, everything counts.
The more I observe and the more I practise, I found that it is not as difficult as I thought in making up a good cup of coffee. So what makes mine special that people will dare to come and consume?
I have no confident.
I know it sounds like simple and I know there are tricks I have yet to learn. Indeed, is it really be so? I mean, everyone can possess the technique since that's not a trick that needs a rocket science degree.
OK, you wanna tell me the place counts and I agree totally. But as I told you last time that people come for the coffee and the shop itself contributes to a tiny part of it after all.
P.S. One thing I have missed is the people who serve in the shop, not only the barista but everyone inside, that's not simply a phrase of greeting but the attitude, everything counts.
9/11/2002
When solemn is not enough
"Rolling Requiem", the least we can do for remembrance of the dead in the terrorist attack.
But in a self claimed flourish city like Hong Kong, I can see nothing to be done for the dead.
Me, as a citizen with heart and flesh, all I can do is to join the "Rolling Requiem", broadcasting the Mozart Requiem through my stereo...
May the dead be rest.. and you all will be remembered.
But in a self claimed flourish city like Hong Kong, I can see nothing to be done for the dead.
Me, as a citizen with heart and flesh, all I can do is to join the "Rolling Requiem", broadcasting the Mozart Requiem through my stereo...
May the dead be rest.. and you all will be remembered.
If there is god in the world..
If there is god in this world, I don't mean the god but a more generally speaking term, no matter which religion you believe in, either the Budda, Jesus Christ or any other believer you pray to.
He will not want to see his son to suffer, killing each other for no reason, everyone will be treated the same, no matter the color, the language, the appearance, rich or poor.
All of us are the same in his eyes.
This is us, who demand our faithfully trust to the god we believe in, make up the difference -- discrimination, unfair justice, and believe oneself is superior to the rest.
Selfishness, greed and admiration of power fooled their mind, turning their back against the lord.
Should their be god -- no matter who he is, please bring us strength and courage to take back the edin we once have... no matter the cost it is.
He will not want to see his son to suffer, killing each other for no reason, everyone will be treated the same, no matter the color, the language, the appearance, rich or poor.
All of us are the same in his eyes.
This is us, who demand our faithfully trust to the god we believe in, make up the difference -- discrimination, unfair justice, and believe oneself is superior to the rest.
Selfishness, greed and admiration of power fooled their mind, turning their back against the lord.
Should their be god -- no matter who he is, please bring us strength and courage to take back the edin we once have... no matter the cost it is.
7/28/2002
When home no longer the shelter
Home sweet Home.
Yes, it was and I surely think it will but not for the moment.
It is horrible in having such a thought -- hanging on to anywhere for as long as I could instead of heading home. Problems everywhere, big and small, simple and complicate. I love my parents, sure thing, no question is needed but I am exhausted in the mean time.
In the day time, I am spending all my effort to deal with no matter what if I like, settling those I could or couldn't and when I am home, there are something more awaiting for me.. so how dare do U think I would like to head home straight?
I know it is a stupid thought, since no matter what, I have to deal with it, just like what I did in the day time and I KNOW it heartily that I should find a way to ease my pain rather than escaping it till the last moment.
Call me selfish if you dare, I won't speak against a word but I am tired.. maybe I am simply someone who can't tolerate with challenges or the up and down and prefer giving up rather than getting through it.
And yet, the me deep inside reminded myself that I am someone responsible, I am someone capable and what I now am lacking is the strength and courage, rest and the peace. It is now the time for me to look for the proper way in shaping up myself, learn to let loose, learn to gain confidence and strengthen my love to the people around.
Yes, it was and I surely think it will but not for the moment.
It is horrible in having such a thought -- hanging on to anywhere for as long as I could instead of heading home. Problems everywhere, big and small, simple and complicate. I love my parents, sure thing, no question is needed but I am exhausted in the mean time.
In the day time, I am spending all my effort to deal with no matter what if I like, settling those I could or couldn't and when I am home, there are something more awaiting for me.. so how dare do U think I would like to head home straight?
I know it is a stupid thought, since no matter what, I have to deal with it, just like what I did in the day time and I KNOW it heartily that I should find a way to ease my pain rather than escaping it till the last moment.
Call me selfish if you dare, I won't speak against a word but I am tired.. maybe I am simply someone who can't tolerate with challenges or the up and down and prefer giving up rather than getting through it.
And yet, the me deep inside reminded myself that I am someone responsible, I am someone capable and what I now am lacking is the strength and courage, rest and the peace. It is now the time for me to look for the proper way in shaping up myself, learn to let loose, learn to gain confidence and strengthen my love to the people around.
7/25/2002
I have a war to fight
Life sucks.
Throughout our lives, we are walking through a tunnel, wide and big, small and narrow, depends on your fate and the decision you have made.
In my days beforehand, I used to be upset and keep on thinking what leads to the outcome, why I am always in bad luck? Is it my attitude or is it just my fate? I feel nervous, boring, helpless, scary and try to enclose myself in one piece, to seek for the peace and warm.
I keep on shaking.
Did I see the twilight or is it just the torch left by someone ahead?
I am desparate.... impatience.... become motionless and giving all up and cry.
But it doesn't help shit.. looking around on all the wounds I have made, I start to realize there is nothing I should feel sad about, it is just the arrangement, what gives? I will just have all of myself being withdrawn but SO WHAT?! You cannot beat me, I am just a piece of flesh, no matter what, I will get into the graveyard, you can take everything away but not my simple piece of mind! I can shoot sky rocket with all my imagination and you don't know shit about it! HA!
Brush up myself, really, the tunnel is narrow and dark but I am not scary anymore, even if I cannot find the exit.
I WILL BLOW ONE UP FOR MYSELF!
No, not only for myself, but for everyone around me, my beloved family, my angel and everyone I care.
Throughout our lives, we are walking through a tunnel, wide and big, small and narrow, depends on your fate and the decision you have made.
In my days beforehand, I used to be upset and keep on thinking what leads to the outcome, why I am always in bad luck? Is it my attitude or is it just my fate? I feel nervous, boring, helpless, scary and try to enclose myself in one piece, to seek for the peace and warm.
I keep on shaking.
Did I see the twilight or is it just the torch left by someone ahead?
I am desparate.... impatience.... become motionless and giving all up and cry.
But it doesn't help shit.. looking around on all the wounds I have made, I start to realize there is nothing I should feel sad about, it is just the arrangement, what gives? I will just have all of myself being withdrawn but SO WHAT?! You cannot beat me, I am just a piece of flesh, no matter what, I will get into the graveyard, you can take everything away but not my simple piece of mind! I can shoot sky rocket with all my imagination and you don't know shit about it! HA!
Brush up myself, really, the tunnel is narrow and dark but I am not scary anymore, even if I cannot find the exit.
I WILL BLOW ONE UP FOR MYSELF!
No, not only for myself, but for everyone around me, my beloved family, my angel and everyone I care.
7/14/2002
The whinning should be over
I hope it all doesn't comes up to be too late, yes, nothing should be too late. It is scary to note that how much I might have forgotten or simply ignored in the previous month or so. After I keep complaining how sucks my life currently is.
My concentration towards my beloved, my family and all the thing I treasured dropped a lot. I accused my self-centred behaviour to the overwhelming of job, or uncertainty about my career. It simply sounds too logical to me, I got slapped in the job, and I can pay a smaller attention to the rest of everything, expecting to be understood and awaiting the "day" to come.
This is not true. The day will never come because it is already there.
It is so interesting to me that, I came across the piece of blog my best buddy has prepared a year ago, about our awaiting of something before we can make ourselves happy. This is what I am now. I hope the chaos will be over and I can be myself once again.
No. I shouldn't wait for it but resolve it all by myself now. It is totally my fault if I leave out everything to dust by waiting what I believe I deserve. Time won't wait for anyone, obstacle will be along no matter where I go. So, why bother waiting for a miracle to happen but not making it by myself?
With all my desire that stated before, I now can find my fuel to keep my engine rolling. And to everyone, especially my angel, I am sorry for being so selfish recently.. I just don't aware that cuts have already been made and please, let me be the bandage, to soothe the pain I have made.
My concentration towards my beloved, my family and all the thing I treasured dropped a lot. I accused my self-centred behaviour to the overwhelming of job, or uncertainty about my career. It simply sounds too logical to me, I got slapped in the job, and I can pay a smaller attention to the rest of everything, expecting to be understood and awaiting the "day" to come.
This is not true. The day will never come because it is already there.
It is so interesting to me that, I came across the piece of blog my best buddy has prepared a year ago, about our awaiting of something before we can make ourselves happy. This is what I am now. I hope the chaos will be over and I can be myself once again.
No. I shouldn't wait for it but resolve it all by myself now. It is totally my fault if I leave out everything to dust by waiting what I believe I deserve. Time won't wait for anyone, obstacle will be along no matter where I go. So, why bother waiting for a miracle to happen but not making it by myself?
With all my desire that stated before, I now can find my fuel to keep my engine rolling. And to everyone, especially my angel, I am sorry for being so selfish recently.. I just don't aware that cuts have already been made and please, let me be the bandage, to soothe the pain I have made.
7/07/2002
Hollow vs Emptiness
I think I have talked about the feeling of emptied out a lot of time before, just that I finally find the word.
When I grow up, I found that I learnt less, the problem is 2 fold, life become repetitve, doing the same thing, facing the same problem without a solution that could be found for each time, bored by the same old thing, going to the same restaurant. And the capabitily to receive new idea drops. No excitement, no refreshment.
I used to believe I am just being dragged away by my job, head being emptied and looking for the day to refill what has lost.
This is not true.
For years, I am still uncertain about where the balance point between life and career is. I am still persuading myself I am capable, trying to regain some of my confidence. Not until now, I found that I am not simply emptied out but have both end of myself being drilled away like a "hollow trunk".
So, no matter how much effort I have put to "repair" the situation, it is sort of like pouring water into the drainage - you can never fill this up.
Just if I can find the old lid.
When I grow up, I found that I learnt less, the problem is 2 fold, life become repetitve, doing the same thing, facing the same problem without a solution that could be found for each time, bored by the same old thing, going to the same restaurant. And the capabitily to receive new idea drops. No excitement, no refreshment.
I used to believe I am just being dragged away by my job, head being emptied and looking for the day to refill what has lost.
This is not true.
For years, I am still uncertain about where the balance point between life and career is. I am still persuading myself I am capable, trying to regain some of my confidence. Not until now, I found that I am not simply emptied out but have both end of myself being drilled away like a "hollow trunk".
So, no matter how much effort I have put to "repair" the situation, it is sort of like pouring water into the drainage - you can never fill this up.
Just if I can find the old lid.
7/03/2002
Over drain
Another month has just passwd away but yet, I still cannot see the twilight.
Hang on there, it's going to be ended soon, I was told. Finish it up and pay respect to yourself, I always heard.
Really? I start to wonder. I hate to listen to all these, when you are not the one who suffer. Do you know how painful it is when you are going to bed, knowing that at the time when you open your eyes, you have to face the shit for another day. Do you know how bad it feels when you have lost the appetize to eat and want spill out everything you tried to grab into your mouth? Do you know how helpless one is, when you have lost every single piece of momentum in doing anything you are interested in before?
Dream shattered, once again, I can see them glittering now but I am too tired to pick them all up.
Be respect to yourself, be proactive, to show to the others that you are capable. Come on, I can't stand on this kind of shit. By settling the shit leave out by others means respecting myself? Why should I dare to? I am selfish, yes, I am, but how come one can ask me to finish this shit while letting me feeling so bad everyday? Why don't you say they are selfish? Does it really mean so if I can finish those crap but having my dignity being stepped over and over again?
I have had enough, I am sure. All I need is an escape plan, I swear to myself.
Hang on there, it's going to be ended soon, I was told. Finish it up and pay respect to yourself, I always heard.
Really? I start to wonder. I hate to listen to all these, when you are not the one who suffer. Do you know how painful it is when you are going to bed, knowing that at the time when you open your eyes, you have to face the shit for another day. Do you know how bad it feels when you have lost the appetize to eat and want spill out everything you tried to grab into your mouth? Do you know how helpless one is, when you have lost every single piece of momentum in doing anything you are interested in before?
Dream shattered, once again, I can see them glittering now but I am too tired to pick them all up.
Be respect to yourself, be proactive, to show to the others that you are capable. Come on, I can't stand on this kind of shit. By settling the shit leave out by others means respecting myself? Why should I dare to? I am selfish, yes, I am, but how come one can ask me to finish this shit while letting me feeling so bad everyday? Why don't you say they are selfish? Does it really mean so if I can finish those crap but having my dignity being stepped over and over again?
I have had enough, I am sure. All I need is an escape plan, I swear to myself.
6/24/2002
Ronnie in the fridge!
Those who know me well know that I hate cold weather, I just don't like chilling and trembling and need to wear loads and loads of clothes to keep myself warm. It makes me feel being tied up with both hands.
And guess what, I am now working in a freezer! Damn it, man! The noisy air-conditioner is blowing like crazy behind me! The lucky thing is, I can prove the wind blocker is doing it's job nicely. HA! I only felt cold at the area that wasn't covered by this little thingy.
You may wonder why what the hell I am doing here, well, in short, I am taking care of those hot-hatred creature - computer - in the server room. Err, server room is really an under-rated adjective. I am in a room as big as Tsim Sha Tsui Fat Angelo's but with pile and pile of cabinet with each carrying numbers of computer inside, you can guess how big it would be.
Well, I am asked to stay till 12 in the afternoon and there is still about an hour before I can leave. But honestly speaking, I have nothing to be done here.. damn it. That's why I would take the time in writting up this blogger. HA!
And guess what, I am now working in a freezer! Damn it, man! The noisy air-conditioner is blowing like crazy behind me! The lucky thing is, I can prove the wind blocker is doing it's job nicely. HA! I only felt cold at the area that wasn't covered by this little thingy.
You may wonder why what the hell I am doing here, well, in short, I am taking care of those hot-hatred creature - computer - in the server room. Err, server room is really an under-rated adjective. I am in a room as big as Tsim Sha Tsui Fat Angelo's but with pile and pile of cabinet with each carrying numbers of computer inside, you can guess how big it would be.
Well, I am asked to stay till 12 in the afternoon and there is still about an hour before I can leave. But honestly speaking, I have nothing to be done here.. damn it. That's why I would take the time in writting up this blogger. HA!
6/23/2002
Re-discovered Dream
First time in the 2 years, the desire in finishing things of big & small has finally come back.
I am delighted.
As what I have told you, the pieces and pieces of shattered dream seems binding up by themselves once and again. I have so much that wanna be done, big and small, and I will mark them all down before it has all gone.
The curlprit of all these is the break I can have yesterday, no, I don't mean a day off but the way how I work - and enjoy, now and after. Control is what I meant, I don't need to be bothered with senseless suggestion. Schedule belongs to myself, no one can re-arrange them in the way they like.
2 years, I used to work day and night, all by myself, on the thing I treasure, I believe, trust and sweared to be valuable by my own standard. No report, no updating is needed for anyone else but myself. I have whole confidence on what I can deliver.
I feel empowered.
The indication is straight and simple, I need to work with trust, with total control.
Before I get snapped right in the face again, I will put down all my own thoughts, like a dying corpse who spilled out every single word before his last breath.
I am delighted.
As what I have told you, the pieces and pieces of shattered dream seems binding up by themselves once and again. I have so much that wanna be done, big and small, and I will mark them all down before it has all gone.
The curlprit of all these is the break I can have yesterday, no, I don't mean a day off but the way how I work - and enjoy, now and after. Control is what I meant, I don't need to be bothered with senseless suggestion. Schedule belongs to myself, no one can re-arrange them in the way they like.
2 years, I used to work day and night, all by myself, on the thing I treasure, I believe, trust and sweared to be valuable by my own standard. No report, no updating is needed for anyone else but myself. I have whole confidence on what I can deliver.
I feel empowered.
The indication is straight and simple, I need to work with trust, with total control.
Before I get snapped right in the face again, I will put down all my own thoughts, like a dying corpse who spilled out every single word before his last breath.
6/11/2002
Apple product... and more.
I am dedicating this article to my iBook, who has just celebrated his first "birthday" on 2 June. Buddy, I know it is kind of late ;)
Power book 1400cs, iBook Dual-USB 2001, iPod, PowerMac Quicksilver.
I own all of them and has been using it happily in this five years. They are elegant, charming and bring my joy by using it. From the hardware design - they have eye catching appearance and rock solid performance, to the software platform - OS X is the best OS I have ever used, the interface has a touch of human thought and providing what we need in archiving our day-to-day usage without sacrifiing a bit of stability. I have whole confident in seeing it to grow to an even better operation system in the coming years.
The digital hub's line of product is so simple to use but yet powerful enough for the general public to DO what they want - sharing photos, making their own video or music collection, without the need of a rocket science degree.
Handspring, is (or .. err.. was) the company I have put my heart into it. Springboard module, is a brilliant design, you get a plain vanilla pda but with the option to extend to anything else you desire by plugging in the module. So, I don't need to pay hefty amount of money for whatever features I might not need but consider "useful" for Joe the user. The sad thing is, it is consider dated and is dumped by the company. Yet, in the previous year or two, I can enjoy taking picture at unbelivable moment, such as the morning after slaving through the whole night.
Both company shares a similar role in the market - they are NOT the major player. This is really strange.. considering the usefullness of the product itself versus the acceptance from the general public. Seems that people are more aware of the branding, trend of the norm and consider less about the quality of the product. People would always want to float on the top of the product trend -- using the "fastest" machine (well, in terms of numbers but not performance) or the latest machine with the longest list of features (while 80% are not being used).
It is sort of alone among my friends, in being a user of Apple and Handspring's product, since friends around are all using something else, but I am a proud and happy user indeed. And yet, I am aware that I am not the only one who believe in their thoughts and I can find strong coherence among users who are using these products.
I am dedicating this article to my iBook, who has just celebrated his first "birthday" on 2 June. Buddy, I know it is kind of late ;)
Power book 1400cs, iBook Dual-USB 2001, iPod, PowerMac Quicksilver.
I own all of them and has been using it happily in this five years. They are elegant, charming and bring my joy by using it. From the hardware design - they have eye catching appearance and rock solid performance, to the software platform - OS X is the best OS I have ever used, the interface has a touch of human thought and providing what we need in archiving our day-to-day usage without sacrifiing a bit of stability. I have whole confident in seeing it to grow to an even better operation system in the coming years.
The digital hub's line of product is so simple to use but yet powerful enough for the general public to DO what they want - sharing photos, making their own video or music collection, without the need of a rocket science degree.
Handspring, is (or .. err.. was) the company I have put my heart into it. Springboard module, is a brilliant design, you get a plain vanilla pda but with the option to extend to anything else you desire by plugging in the module. So, I don't need to pay hefty amount of money for whatever features I might not need but consider "useful" for Joe the user. The sad thing is, it is consider dated and is dumped by the company. Yet, in the previous year or two, I can enjoy taking picture at unbelivable moment, such as the morning after slaving through the whole night.
Both company shares a similar role in the market - they are NOT the major player. This is really strange.. considering the usefullness of the product itself versus the acceptance from the general public. Seems that people are more aware of the branding, trend of the norm and consider less about the quality of the product. People would always want to float on the top of the product trend -- using the "fastest" machine (well, in terms of numbers but not performance) or the latest machine with the longest list of features (while 80% are not being used).
It is sort of alone among my friends, in being a user of Apple and Handspring's product, since friends around are all using something else, but I am a proud and happy user indeed. And yet, I am aware that I am not the only one who believe in their thoughts and I can find strong coherence among users who are using these products.
Swinging in the rain
It rains like hell today.
And I hate raining, for most of the time, but I like listening to the sa-la sa-la sound when the rain drops hit the soil.
I use another tactic today, make myself swing, swing it till I broke down, shedding off every piece of burden off my dreaded and soaked body. And Mr. Morgan is surely a heat trumpter.
Besides, this starts off another 10 years of journey I will be going with Annis.. happy anniversary my darling.
It rains like hell today.
And I hate raining, for most of the time, but I like listening to the sa-la sa-la sound when the rain drops hit the soil.
I use another tactic today, make myself swing, swing it till I broke down, shedding off every piece of burden off my dreaded and soaked body. And Mr. Morgan is surely a heat trumpter.
Besides, this starts off another 10 years of journey I will be going with Annis.. happy anniversary my darling.
6/09/2002
Rush it up
In the old days, well, what I meant is the 30s till early 60s. People will spend time to make their own thing, finish what they need with their hands. Cook their meal without using any "instant" substitute, crafting the furniture, decorating the home, as long as they know how, they will do it themselves.
Society now grows to a different magnitude, in terms of economy. Products of any kind could now be found around us and which most, or all of them, will state in their promotion items that, by using their product, you can save lots of time and enhance the efficiency in finishing the task.
Don't you feel it is pathetic?
Everything seems to be needed in finishing in a second. And what shocked me most is, we don't see what we are hurrying for! Yeah, we always get told we don't have sufficient time to rest, to explore our interests or simply to enjoy our life. But do you feel you are more relaxing by using all those substitutes? Do you find you now have more time than before and can do whatever you wanna? I don't really belive in so!
Yeah, we can finish our task more efficiently, granted, just that we are now doing several thing at a time, rather than finishing it one by one. My point is -- is it necessary?
I am just feeling horrible in seeing everyone around is investing so much of our effort in our day-to-day job, without taking the time to think like a human. To consider thoughts besides money. Mankind is now being treated as consumable product, everyone can be tagged with a price.
In the old days, well, what I meant is the 30s till early 60s. People will spend time to make their own thing, finish what they need with their hands. Cook their meal without using any "instant" substitute, crafting the furniture, decorating the home, as long as they know how, they will do it themselves.
Society now grows to a different magnitude, in terms of economy. Products of any kind could now be found around us and which most, or all of them, will state in their promotion items that, by using their product, you can save lots of time and enhance the efficiency in finishing the task.
Don't you feel it is pathetic?
Everything seems to be needed in finishing in a second. And what shocked me most is, we don't see what we are hurrying for! Yeah, we always get told we don't have sufficient time to rest, to explore our interests or simply to enjoy our life. But do you feel you are more relaxing by using all those substitutes? Do you find you now have more time than before and can do whatever you wanna? I don't really belive in so!
Yeah, we can finish our task more efficiently, granted, just that we are now doing several thing at a time, rather than finishing it one by one. My point is -- is it necessary?
I am just feeling horrible in seeing everyone around is investing so much of our effort in our day-to-day job, without taking the time to think like a human. To consider thoughts besides money. Mankind is now being treated as consumable product, everyone can be tagged with a price.
5/07/2002
The normal and the retard
The TV show is talking about a mister who has been trapped inside a cage for 30 years and now being taken care by a social welfare organisation.
He is defined as "The retarded" and people will show their sincere regards but I wonder if we really understand him.
I mean, from his eye, we are the abnormal, slaving like hell and whinning all day without having the happiness or satisfaction that he always has.
The TV show is talking about a mister who has been trapped inside a cage for 30 years and now being taken care by a social welfare organisation.
He is defined as "The retarded" and people will show their sincere regards but I wonder if we really understand him.
I mean, from his eye, we are the abnormal, slaving like hell and whinning all day without having the happiness or satisfaction that he always has.
4/25/2002
Buffer overflow
I think I am exhausted. But I wonder why.
I mean, I have just taken a break 2 months ago, and yet, I feel exhausted, dried out, flattened, anything U name it.
Day by day, I am repeating myself in fulfilling whatever tasks that was handed over to me, no complain, no unwillingness but just accomplishing on what it should be.
Something need to be changed - because I feel that my antenna is gone.
Maybe it is not that bad, just that I am not capable in perceiving whatever happened around me. I have to look twice closer before I am aware on "Oh that".
Another reason why this happen is, I am growing up. I mean, I am approaching another crossroad and decision has to be made. This is a no way back, nothing can be undo decision.
It is crucial, since I will be following on whatever it is for the rest of my life.. just like the last time happened 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not worried since I have determined the core of the core. Just that I need some refinement.
Time to grab myself up and hang on till the next stop.
I think I am exhausted. But I wonder why.
I mean, I have just taken a break 2 months ago, and yet, I feel exhausted, dried out, flattened, anything U name it.
Day by day, I am repeating myself in fulfilling whatever tasks that was handed over to me, no complain, no unwillingness but just accomplishing on what it should be.
Something need to be changed - because I feel that my antenna is gone.
Maybe it is not that bad, just that I am not capable in perceiving whatever happened around me. I have to look twice closer before I am aware on "Oh that".
Another reason why this happen is, I am growing up. I mean, I am approaching another crossroad and decision has to be made. This is a no way back, nothing can be undo decision.
It is crucial, since I will be following on whatever it is for the rest of my life.. just like the last time happened 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not worried since I have determined the core of the core. Just that I need some refinement.
Time to grab myself up and hang on till the next stop.
4/17/2002
An explainable world
The longer I am living in this society, the more we are suffering from the down turn in the economy and the more I see how people are living in such.
The more I feel disgusting when un-fair, out of expectation happenings are showing up when I can see the obvious solution is just around the corner where everyone is just ignoring it.
It is my problem. Since I am expecting every act we perform are explainable, what I mean is with a constructive reason behind. No consipracy theory, everyone is fairly treated.
The sad thing is. This just won't happen.
The longer I am living in this society, the more we are suffering from the down turn in the economy and the more I see how people are living in such.
The more I feel disgusting when un-fair, out of expectation happenings are showing up when I can see the obvious solution is just around the corner where everyone is just ignoring it.
It is my problem. Since I am expecting every act we perform are explainable, what I mean is with a constructive reason behind. No consipracy theory, everyone is fairly treated.
The sad thing is. This just won't happen.
4/09/2002
Treasure box
The passage I am going to write has been lying around for quite sometime.. I am still looking for a way to post it out in its original format... anyhow, here we go.
The story begins like that.
Since you give birth to Earth, you come with a "treaure box", but no one, except yourself can see it. It is empty, hollow. But since then, you start putting in things you treasure into it.
You start out to be happy, very happy I would say. When the first "item" goes into your treaure box -- no matter what it is -- but you will remember for the rest of your life.
Indeed, your happiness varies as time goes by, as the treasure box begins to fill up with items. It goes up to an extent that you start to forget about thing. Yet, you keep on hunting for your treasure, wishing to recapture the happiness you once own in your childhood. You thought the more you possess, the closer you could get reach to.
And you get so much that your treasure box is running out of space and you are in panic as what is happening is just the other way round -- you feel the emptiness, surrounding all around you. You try to get around it by grabbing even more, no matter what it is, wishing to fill in what you think you are lacking of.
Until one day, you realize you CAN take the thing out of your treasure box, giving it to someone who need it.
Your once jam packed treasure box starts emptying, getting back to what it once was. You keep hunting for your treasure but in turn, you share it with someone else and you feel rejuvenile -- everything looks new and exciting, in the way you see thing when you are younger.
The passage I am going to write has been lying around for quite sometime.. I am still looking for a way to post it out in its original format... anyhow, here we go.
The story begins like that.
Since you give birth to Earth, you come with a "treaure box", but no one, except yourself can see it. It is empty, hollow. But since then, you start putting in things you treasure into it.
You start out to be happy, very happy I would say. When the first "item" goes into your treaure box -- no matter what it is -- but you will remember for the rest of your life.
Indeed, your happiness varies as time goes by, as the treasure box begins to fill up with items. It goes up to an extent that you start to forget about thing. Yet, you keep on hunting for your treasure, wishing to recapture the happiness you once own in your childhood. You thought the more you possess, the closer you could get reach to.
And you get so much that your treasure box is running out of space and you are in panic as what is happening is just the other way round -- you feel the emptiness, surrounding all around you. You try to get around it by grabbing even more, no matter what it is, wishing to fill in what you think you are lacking of.
Until one day, you realize you CAN take the thing out of your treasure box, giving it to someone who need it.
Your once jam packed treasure box starts emptying, getting back to what it once was. You keep hunting for your treasure but in turn, you share it with someone else and you feel rejuvenile -- everything looks new and exciting, in the way you see thing when you are younger.
4/02/2002
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3/12/2002
Standard
"The best italian restaurant in Town!"
"One of the best performance on Elgar cello concerto!"
"A piece of junk, the actor simply do not understand how to act."
No matter what you are reading or listening to, you will always come across statement similar to those above. Critics - the people who are writing the message - either be a so called professional in the specified field of interest or simply an amateur to what he/she write.
But the problem is, no matter how well they know about the field of interest, they are just expressing their own judgement. True, there might be general favourites, indeed, does it really make sense if everyone is following in the same course? Tchaikovsky symphony number 6 is entitled as "Patheique" but is it really necessary to play slowly? I mean, there are no single standard on how "slow" a performance should be when we classfied it as a "good" performance or authentic performance.
The hunt for quality is absolutely respectable but when we are challenging the others against "The Standard", we are risking ourselves in pursuing our own thought to the others. In turns, we are simply bringing up argument rather than anything fruitful.
"The best italian restaurant in Town!"
"One of the best performance on Elgar cello concerto!"
"A piece of junk, the actor simply do not understand how to act."
No matter what you are reading or listening to, you will always come across statement similar to those above. Critics - the people who are writing the message - either be a so called professional in the specified field of interest or simply an amateur to what he/she write.
But the problem is, no matter how well they know about the field of interest, they are just expressing their own judgement. True, there might be general favourites, indeed, does it really make sense if everyone is following in the same course? Tchaikovsky symphony number 6 is entitled as "Patheique" but is it really necessary to play slowly? I mean, there are no single standard on how "slow" a performance should be when we classfied it as a "good" performance or authentic performance.
The hunt for quality is absolutely respectable but when we are challenging the others against "The Standard", we are risking ourselves in pursuing our own thought to the others. In turns, we are simply bringing up argument rather than anything fruitful.
2/21/2002
Feels like home again
7 days more, same day next week, I should now be flying over the South China Sea, approaching the place that I have been going over for numerous times in these 2 years - Taiwan.
Even though this is already the third time I go there, somehow, I am more anticipated than ever. The more I know about it, the more I am confident that I can relieve myself. Moreover, I know that there are things waiting for me over there, bookstore, coffee house, food, music, the cultrual and arts.
And the most important thing among all is, I got friends. Human connection, I am no longer alone on this piece of land - as long as I wish to.
7 days more, same day next week, I should now be flying over the South China Sea, approaching the place that I have been going over for numerous times in these 2 years - Taiwan.
Even though this is already the third time I go there, somehow, I am more anticipated than ever. The more I know about it, the more I am confident that I can relieve myself. Moreover, I know that there are things waiting for me over there, bookstore, coffee house, food, music, the cultrual and arts.
And the most important thing among all is, I got friends. Human connection, I am no longer alone on this piece of land - as long as I wish to.
1/24/2002
Life saver
I am someone who is lucky.
And it happens not only for one time but a number of times..
At times, without any sign or notice, the feeling of being isolated sneak in from nowhere.. it is not scary or painful. You just feel being transmitted to another universe or kept inside a tightly sealed lead house or living somewhere beneath the sea..
Everything is vivid, everything is so detached. I cannot tell what is real in the reality. I feel disconnected, like a sub moving along the sea floor and the sonar did not receive a ping. The sub has no destination, it is just moving silently, places to places.
It also feels like walking in a big grain field, endless. A sunny day without a breeze, shadow casting off the canopy of trees, those trees have been grown for ages as the tips can almost reach the ceiling of the sky. But then, no one is around, not even a single tiny creature, you are all by yourself. It is so quiet that you wonder if sound exists. You try to speak out but it just sounds like a squeak.
The "turn key".
It always shows up when I feel desperate - the connection - I am cherished by my friends around, places that I like to hang on with and I was like someone who got invited to a big party.. I can feel the linkage again, I got the VISA to this universe.
Thank you, I treasure a lot on all those "Life Saver", you just don't know how important you all are in that particular moment in my life.
I am someone who is lucky.
And it happens not only for one time but a number of times..
At times, without any sign or notice, the feeling of being isolated sneak in from nowhere.. it is not scary or painful. You just feel being transmitted to another universe or kept inside a tightly sealed lead house or living somewhere beneath the sea..
Everything is vivid, everything is so detached. I cannot tell what is real in the reality. I feel disconnected, like a sub moving along the sea floor and the sonar did not receive a ping. The sub has no destination, it is just moving silently, places to places.
It also feels like walking in a big grain field, endless. A sunny day without a breeze, shadow casting off the canopy of trees, those trees have been grown for ages as the tips can almost reach the ceiling of the sky. But then, no one is around, not even a single tiny creature, you are all by yourself. It is so quiet that you wonder if sound exists. You try to speak out but it just sounds like a squeak.
The "turn key".
It always shows up when I feel desperate - the connection - I am cherished by my friends around, places that I like to hang on with and I was like someone who got invited to a big party.. I can feel the linkage again, I got the VISA to this universe.
Thank you, I treasure a lot on all those "Life Saver", you just don't know how important you all are in that particular moment in my life.
1/23/2002
If I am insane
Boom... flash back.
IF I am insane, I will believe in a world having 2 universe. You are here and I am there, no one will come and I will not get over.
IF I am insane, everything will seems to be real, the sound is real, the universe is real, the music is real, my circumstances is real and every single thing is so obvious that it must be happening that way, following its own course, no matter what and no matter how.
IF I am insane, I will feel powerless, I will feel this is the end of the world, everything collapse.
IF I am insane, I will always try to get connected, to send out ping signal, to press the seek button till I find a channel.
IF.. luckily they are just if... since I can't imagine what if it all comes true..
Boom... flash back.
IF I am insane, I will believe in a world having 2 universe. You are here and I am there, no one will come and I will not get over.
IF I am insane, everything will seems to be real, the sound is real, the universe is real, the music is real, my circumstances is real and every single thing is so obvious that it must be happening that way, following its own course, no matter what and no matter how.
IF I am insane, I will feel powerless, I will feel this is the end of the world, everything collapse.
IF I am insane, I will always try to get connected, to send out ping signal, to press the seek button till I find a channel.
IF.. luckily they are just if... since I can't imagine what if it all comes true..
The continuum
I think I am out of excuses from not posting new blog regularly... when so many tools are available to make posting blog even more easier..
Currently, I am trying the Radio Userland and the Bloggar. Have yet to decide which one to stick to, maybe I will use both.. since Bloggar didn't have a Mac client.
I think I am out of excuses from not posting new blog regularly... when so many tools are available to make posting blog even more easier..
Currently, I am trying the Radio Userland and the Bloggar. Have yet to decide which one to stick to, maybe I will use both.. since Bloggar didn't have a Mac client.
11/12/2001
10/20/2001
The perfect afternoon
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
10/06/2001
Marriage
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
- Instead of spending $ to buy us stuff, I would suggest my buddy to either donate the $ to Orbis, Oxfam or any other volunteer services provider.
- Instead of "inviting" people that U don't see once in a year to your banquet, I would rather hold a private party somewhere with my families and friends...
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
9/01/2001
That's more than give and take
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
8/20/2001
Fly, flying high..
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
8/06/2001
Error Handling
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannot handle error : NULL POINTER EXCEPTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6/04/2001
The wait of the happening
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
5/20/2001
What really is in my mind?
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
4/18/2001
Chaos
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
4/16/2001
The art of simplicity
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
LIFE is never to be easy..
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
Am I exhausted or what?
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
3/17/2001
The extra-ordinary breakfast
I am talking about "treasuring what you have" again.
This morning, I go by the small resting area - a place just possessing a number of chairs; see an old mister sitting in one of them, showing satisfaction by enjoying his cup of English tea, just bought from the take-away shop.
The more we are able to possess, the more we are demanding. But are we much more happier than before? Not really the case, chances are, we don't know how to enjoy the beauty to the fullest extent, yet, we keep on spending, whinning on what we could only have. Then, we squeeze our time to work more, looking forward to earn more so as to strike for something more decent - more expensive. Yet, we are not satisfy and we whine on it again and we repeat what we have done again... till to a point that we are fed up or we realize that we are performing something not realistic.
Everything around us could be extra-ordinary, including what we already possess, you might be able to dig into something you are not aware...
I am talking about "treasuring what you have" again.
This morning, I go by the small resting area - a place just possessing a number of chairs; see an old mister sitting in one of them, showing satisfaction by enjoying his cup of English tea, just bought from the take-away shop.
The more we are able to possess, the more we are demanding. But are we much more happier than before? Not really the case, chances are, we don't know how to enjoy the beauty to the fullest extent, yet, we keep on spending, whinning on what we could only have. Then, we squeeze our time to work more, looking forward to earn more so as to strike for something more decent - more expensive. Yet, we are not satisfy and we whine on it again and we repeat what we have done again... till to a point that we are fed up or we realize that we are performing something not realistic.
Everything around us could be extra-ordinary, including what we already possess, you might be able to dig into something you are not aware...
3/12/2001
Lost in vision...
"lost in vision"
"feeling in the middle of the foggy day"
"where I am leading myself to?"
"I am alone but I shouldn't feel lonely with so many things that I could accomplished"
These are what have been repeating, repeating and repeating within myself in these 2 days. This is not the first time in muddling myself in such a situation, indeed, I have been grabbing myself out of such chaos for a year or 2.
What is wrong?
Maybe I am feeling insecure, in a sense that I have lost my sight, momentum dropped, like a roller coaster that has been riding for too long and have the screws loosen..
Interrupted...
Somehow, the regular way in refueling myself - hanging around in Johnny's place doesn't seems to work tonight and I just do what as planned; visiting Tom and again, I was proved that miracle is always just around the corner.
Before I made my visit there, I held no hope to regain my momentum. Indeed, once I saw Tom, I made my order on Tansonia Latte and situation started to move a bit..
Friend, maybe I should say friendliness comes in and saved me one more time.
Tom told me a lot on what he saw, he tasted, he was told in his 2 month's of travelling; Vietnam, Cambodia, China, Thailand... from the way he found about those countries, to the cusine he had tried and not to mention the coffee tasting experience. Content is one of the thing that arouse me but the most important above all is I felt "connected" once again. Connected back to the place that where I used to be, just like when the radio hits the right frequency, it hums music rather than noise.
Have I regain my "vision", well, not really BUT I learnt a lesson. It is not necessary to have a clear vision at all times, somehow, we will have occasion to have ourselves let loose. Indeed, we just need to follow the steps, believe it "something" is just around the corner and with just a few more steps, our radio will hit the right frequeny...
"lost in vision"
"feeling in the middle of the foggy day"
"where I am leading myself to?"
"I am alone but I shouldn't feel lonely with so many things that I could accomplished"
These are what have been repeating, repeating and repeating within myself in these 2 days. This is not the first time in muddling myself in such a situation, indeed, I have been grabbing myself out of such chaos for a year or 2.
What is wrong?
Maybe I am feeling insecure, in a sense that I have lost my sight, momentum dropped, like a roller coaster that has been riding for too long and have the screws loosen..
Interrupted...
Somehow, the regular way in refueling myself - hanging around in Johnny's place doesn't seems to work tonight and I just do what as planned; visiting Tom and again, I was proved that miracle is always just around the corner.
Before I made my visit there, I held no hope to regain my momentum. Indeed, once I saw Tom, I made my order on Tansonia Latte and situation started to move a bit..
Friend, maybe I should say friendliness comes in and saved me one more time.
Tom told me a lot on what he saw, he tasted, he was told in his 2 month's of travelling; Vietnam, Cambodia, China, Thailand... from the way he found about those countries, to the cusine he had tried and not to mention the coffee tasting experience. Content is one of the thing that arouse me but the most important above all is I felt "connected" once again. Connected back to the place that where I used to be, just like when the radio hits the right frequency, it hums music rather than noise.
Have I regain my "vision", well, not really BUT I learnt a lesson. It is not necessary to have a clear vision at all times, somehow, we will have occasion to have ourselves let loose. Indeed, we just need to follow the steps, believe it "something" is just around the corner and with just a few more steps, our radio will hit the right frequeny...
3/08/2001
It's all about shoe shining..
No matter the size of a company, shoe shining exist. This is one of the something that I have learnt in the years.
Maybe I should rephrase it as, whenever there are working relationship, chances for seeing a "shoe shining event" rises. I think it is more on personality act, one might be getting too used to be doing so. I can't say this is a sin, one may simply taking this as an "aggressive act" for promotion, yet, I simply don't feel comfortable in seeing this, whenever happened.
What I dislike more is, the difference in between what one will usually stands for against what one will show up when he/she lean on the boss..
Anyhow, as long as I could get away from the happening, I shouldn't be bothered by it..
No matter the size of a company, shoe shining exist. This is one of the something that I have learnt in the years.
Maybe I should rephrase it as, whenever there are working relationship, chances for seeing a "shoe shining event" rises. I think it is more on personality act, one might be getting too used to be doing so. I can't say this is a sin, one may simply taking this as an "aggressive act" for promotion, yet, I simply don't feel comfortable in seeing this, whenever happened.
What I dislike more is, the difference in between what one will usually stands for against what one will show up when he/she lean on the boss..
Anyhow, as long as I could get away from the happening, I shouldn't be bothered by it..
3/07/2001
3/06/2001
Life after a living pattern...
I wake up, go to work, earn money and make my living on a daily basis. But I figure it out that, this is not what I want for life long.
I took "The Vacation" in the year 2000 and this is one of the transition that I talk about from time to time.
On this morning, the desire to roll up my diminishing momentum is growing. The desire to hang out from the routine life-form; the desire to feed myself with knowledges; the desire to look for the inner-self of mine; the desire to put myself into another arena that I am not familiar with.
I need it and I need it badly.
I wake up, go to work, earn money and make my living on a daily basis. But I figure it out that, this is not what I want for life long.
I took "The Vacation" in the year 2000 and this is one of the transition that I talk about from time to time.
On this morning, the desire to roll up my diminishing momentum is growing. The desire to hang out from the routine life-form; the desire to feed myself with knowledges; the desire to look for the inner-self of mine; the desire to put myself into another arena that I am not familiar with.
I need it and I need it badly.
2/21/2001
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2/20/2001
The Funeral
Chances are, you have no say on what you like or dislike on your own funeral.
I have always been thinking on the music that I would like to listen to - suppose I have the ability - before my departure.
They might sound boring to some of my friends but what the heck, this is something for me, right?
OK, here is my list... Friend, it is no easy task to prepare 10+ hours of music X)
Bruckner #7,
Bach Suite #1-6,
Beethoven #9,
Tchakovsky string quartet #1,
Borodin string quartet,
Barber Adagio,
Rachmaninov Vocalise,
Brahms sym. #4,
Chopin Waltz
What else? Maybe some Jazz. It should be less boring,
John Coltrane Ballade,
Round Midnight,
Some Monks, Bill Evans and Miles Davis will be great.
It might be 30 or maybe even 40 years from now on while I will be listening to music composed about or more than 100 years ago, isn't that interesting?
Chances are, you have no say on what you like or dislike on your own funeral.
I have always been thinking on the music that I would like to listen to - suppose I have the ability - before my departure.
They might sound boring to some of my friends but what the heck, this is something for me, right?
OK, here is my list... Friend, it is no easy task to prepare 10+ hours of music X)
Bruckner #7,
Bach Suite #1-6,
Beethoven #9,
Tchakovsky string quartet #1,
Borodin string quartet,
Barber Adagio,
Rachmaninov Vocalise,
Brahms sym. #4,
Chopin Waltz
What else? Maybe some Jazz. It should be less boring,
John Coltrane Ballade,
Round Midnight,
Some Monks, Bill Evans and Miles Davis will be great.
It might be 30 or maybe even 40 years from now on while I will be listening to music composed about or more than 100 years ago, isn't that interesting?
2/17/2001
Should music just exist on the score?
It's Arts Festival and here's another blog about music...
I have just attended another enjoyable concert tonight - the Emerson Quartet. Programs are all new to me. As usual, we have a chit-chat session right after.
One of the buddy thought they are not in shape tonight, with inaccurate pitch, rushing up of candenza point... he carries on mentioning a couple more musical terms.
I have a question in mind - what is us as an audience are expecting in a performance? Umm... If everything could simply interpretted as what's on the score or maybe I should rephrase as - if the performance is not playing as "it should", should it really be poorly rated?
My thought - I can't read score and know nothing about what the hell those 'candenza counter point' mean but I can experience the strong cohesion, the highly harmonized performance and the fluidity of the music, which I myself as an ametur cellist, know that it is not easy to accomplish. I appreciate that a lot, thank you.
And the most important of all, I am a simple, happy audience. HA!
It's Arts Festival and here's another blog about music...
I have just attended another enjoyable concert tonight - the Emerson Quartet. Programs are all new to me. As usual, we have a chit-chat session right after.
One of the buddy thought they are not in shape tonight, with inaccurate pitch, rushing up of candenza point... he carries on mentioning a couple more musical terms.
I have a question in mind - what is us as an audience are expecting in a performance? Umm... If everything could simply interpretted as what's on the score or maybe I should rephrase as - if the performance is not playing as "it should", should it really be poorly rated?
My thought - I can't read score and know nothing about what the hell those 'candenza counter point' mean but I can experience the strong cohesion, the highly harmonized performance and the fluidity of the music, which I myself as an ametur cellist, know that it is not easy to accomplish. I appreciate that a lot, thank you.
And the most important of all, I am a simple, happy audience. HA!
2/16/2001
You should not just listen to the music..
Legend.
How many times in your life could encounter "A Living Legend"? Not to mention an occasion in meeting 3 at the same time - I am a lucky guy, that I possess such an opportunity.
The Buena Vista Social Club, featuring Ruben Gonalez, the pianist; Ibrahim Ferrer, the vocal; and Omara Portuondo, the "sexy lady" vocal and a bundle of outstanding musician. Even though you are not familiar with their language but through their expression - body language, their accent, the rhythm, as well as the melody of the music itself, can close the gap between you and the musician.
What's more, you are not only receiving the livliness of the music but the heat, the enthusiasm and the momentum bursted from their performance. You have to jump into the music, to be motivated. You can then feel the appreciation of life and the greatness of the music itself.
Legend.
How many times in your life could encounter "A Living Legend"? Not to mention an occasion in meeting 3 at the same time - I am a lucky guy, that I possess such an opportunity.
The Buena Vista Social Club, featuring Ruben Gonalez, the pianist; Ibrahim Ferrer, the vocal; and Omara Portuondo, the "sexy lady" vocal and a bundle of outstanding musician. Even though you are not familiar with their language but through their expression - body language, their accent, the rhythm, as well as the melody of the music itself, can close the gap between you and the musician.
What's more, you are not only receiving the livliness of the music but the heat, the enthusiasm and the momentum bursted from their performance. You have to jump into the music, to be motivated. You can then feel the appreciation of life and the greatness of the music itself.
2/11/2001
Looks through the eyes of a child
I was hugging the little angel tonight, flying her up to the sky. From her eyes, I could see the charm, the interest and the happiness that I am seeking all times. When ages adds up like a counter, the number of times I felt "blown away" diminished like the tide flows back... it's not the world that is changing but our sense to the surrouding fade away.
I keep reminding myself to think different, umm, maybe I should rephrase to, I should break through the barrier...
Something I read recently.... we all have desire, no matter it is the form of livehood, our job or what so ever, indeed, we are always being gifted in a wrong position at the wrong time.. sounds sad, but shouldn't be a better thought to come over it?
Be honest, I don't know what the heck I am currently writing... lines become blur that I can't make up my mind if I am really writing becoz I want to or just becoz I want to show up my little device in a lcoation I enjoy.. jesus.
I was hugging the little angel tonight, flying her up to the sky. From her eyes, I could see the charm, the interest and the happiness that I am seeking all times. When ages adds up like a counter, the number of times I felt "blown away" diminished like the tide flows back... it's not the world that is changing but our sense to the surrouding fade away.
I keep reminding myself to think different, umm, maybe I should rephrase to, I should break through the barrier...
Something I read recently.... we all have desire, no matter it is the form of livehood, our job or what so ever, indeed, we are always being gifted in a wrong position at the wrong time.. sounds sad, but shouldn't be a better thought to come over it?
Be honest, I don't know what the heck I am currently writing... lines become blur that I can't make up my mind if I am really writing becoz I want to or just becoz I want to show up my little device in a lcoation I enjoy.. jesus.
2/06/2001
When experience sublimes into your memory...
I talk about memory, again.
Sometimes, an event, some kind of food, music or maybe scenery tied to a segment of our memory, something happened in a time frame in the past. Yet, when we get into this same "thing" again, we seems to be getting over it one more time.
Interesting.
Curry rice = an afternoon in Akibuhara with a plate of Curry Rice, an isolated me in a totally unfamilar region. Feels like an outsider; with no one knowing me while I can leave the shit behind.
I talk about memory, again.
Sometimes, an event, some kind of food, music or maybe scenery tied to a segment of our memory, something happened in a time frame in the past. Yet, when we get into this same "thing" again, we seems to be getting over it one more time.
Interesting.
Curry rice = an afternoon in Akibuhara with a plate of Curry Rice, an isolated me in a totally unfamilar region. Feels like an outsider; with no one knowing me while I can leave the shit behind.
2/05/2001
Don't feel despair, fortune is right ahead.
Years ago, I used to have a nice pen, yes, those need to refill with the ink cartridge, as my companion in my university study. It's from Rotring.
From years after, I have been looking for the ballpoint pen from the same series - but to no avail... it is no longer
6 years later, in a warm and sunny afternoon. I finished my lunch early, while not having the mood to visit any place I used to, I went to the stationary shop I have never visited. And god bless, my long time lover showed up in sight...
Years ago, I used to have a nice pen, yes, those need to refill with the ink cartridge, as my companion in my university study. It's from Rotring.
From years after, I have been looking for the ballpoint pen from the same series - but to no avail... it is no longer
6 years later, in a warm and sunny afternoon. I finished my lunch early, while not having the mood to visit any place I used to, I went to the stationary shop I have never visited. And god bless, my long time lover showed up in sight...
2/03/2001
Life is full of experience...
I have been repeatedly telling you that life is full of interest.. you can always meet something new, something you have never met before in your daiily life.
As long as you know how to figure it out and how to treasure it when you meet them, your life will be fruitful and beautiful...
I have been visiting Johnny's place for years but still, I could locate something new from his "reperiore".. (I don't want to say "menu" as he is serving more than that.) Just like today, I am ordering my all time favourite -- Cafe Latte -- but with a twist of new elements, servi ng it with some fresh cream. And it becomes our new favourite right away.
Life's like a puzzle, if you make your effort in matching every pieces together and you will be rewarded with a beautiful big picture.
I have been repeatedly telling you that life is full of interest.. you can always meet something new, something you have never met before in your daiily life.
As long as you know how to figure it out and how to treasure it when you meet them, your life will be fruitful and beautiful...
I have been visiting Johnny's place for years but still, I could locate something new from his "reperiore".. (I don't want to say "menu" as he is serving more than that.) Just like today, I am ordering my all time favourite -- Cafe Latte -- but with a twist of new elements, servi ng it with some fresh cream. And it becomes our new favourite right away.
Life's like a puzzle, if you make your effort in matching every pieces together and you will be rewarded with a beautiful big picture.
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