What really is in my mind?
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.

Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.

I simply don't know how to read my own mind.

I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.

What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.

Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.

So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.

To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.

The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.

Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.