4/25/2002

Buffer overflow

I think I am exhausted. But I wonder why.

I mean, I have just taken a break 2 months ago, and yet, I feel exhausted, dried out, flattened, anything U name it.

Day by day, I am repeating myself in fulfilling whatever tasks that was handed over to me, no complain, no unwillingness but just accomplishing on what it should be.

Something need to be changed - because I feel that my antenna is gone.

Maybe it is not that bad, just that I am not capable in perceiving whatever happened around me. I have to look twice closer before I am aware on "Oh that".

Another reason why this happen is, I am growing up. I mean, I am approaching another crossroad and decision has to be made. This is a no way back, nothing can be undo decision.

It is crucial, since I will be following on whatever it is for the rest of my life.. just like the last time happened 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not worried since I have determined the core of the core. Just that I need some refinement.

Time to grab myself up and hang on till the next stop.

4/17/2002

An explainable world

The longer I am living in this society, the more we are suffering from the down turn in the economy and the more I see how people are living in such.

The more I feel disgusting when un-fair, out of expectation happenings are showing up when I can see the obvious solution is just around the corner where everyone is just ignoring it.

It is my problem. Since I am expecting every act we perform are explainable, what I mean is with a constructive reason behind. No consipracy theory, everyone is fairly treated.

The sad thing is. This just won't happen.

4/09/2002

Treasure box

The passage I am going to write has been lying around for quite sometime.. I am still looking for a way to post it out in its original format... anyhow, here we go.

The story begins like that.

Since you give birth to Earth, you come with a "treaure box", but no one, except yourself can see it. It is empty, hollow. But since then, you start putting in things you treasure into it.

You start out to be happy, very happy I would say. When the first "item" goes into your treaure box -- no matter what it is -- but you will remember for the rest of your life.

Indeed, your happiness varies as time goes by, as the treasure box begins to fill up with items. It goes up to an extent that you start to forget about thing. Yet, you keep on hunting for your treasure, wishing to recapture the happiness you once own in your childhood. You thought the more you possess, the closer you could get reach to.

And you get so much that your treasure box is running out of space and you are in panic as what is happening is just the other way round -- you feel the emptiness, surrounding all around you. You try to get around it by grabbing even more, no matter what it is, wishing to fill in what you think you are lacking of.

Until one day, you realize you CAN take the thing out of your treasure box, giving it to someone who need it.

Your once jam packed treasure box starts emptying, getting back to what it once was. You keep hunting for your treasure but in turn, you share it with someone else and you feel rejuvenile -- everything looks new and exciting, in the way you see thing when you are younger.

4/02/2002

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