The perspective

Do you have the experience of having no one looking into a matter the same way as you do? Have you ever wonder on why everyone who talks around you is so annoying and having an attitude problem?

All these grows with me every day.

I am working with a bunch of people, all of them are nice but indeed, I can't concentrate on my own stuff when they keep bubbling non-sense next to me. The conversation is not really non-sense, just that any conversation comes up feels like non-sense to me. The worst part of it is, some of them is trying to look down on the others, I don't see they have the privilege in doing so.

Opinion, this is a very personal matter but it is so in person that I can find no one having the same thought as I do. And it goes to the other extreme, too. Something which looks quite obvious to me doesn't seems to be carried around to the others. If something cannot be finished, be it, there is something we call un-finished matter.

There always are priority and schedules. We are born or hire to manage things but not to slave things through. Am I the only one who is aware of that?

Opinion, apart from not being able to find someone of the same thought, I found annoying when my thought is being challenged. OK, I am narrow mind, I have to admit but I guess no one like to be challenged? Respect where I stand and if U want to discuss, be nice.

I think I can go no where and work with no one. Maybe I should stay in the cave, until I can figure out what the truth is.

Shameful

There are lots of achievement that are reached by the Chinese, be it in Sports, Science or even Arts. It is amazing, in terms of volume and the level of achievement.

But I feel shameful as a Chinese.

I feel totally sorry when I look back for the 4000+ years that we have lived through. How many things we have done wrong? And the scale of problem is massive - the burying of scholars by Emperor Qin, the Cultural Revolution, the June Fourth Movement and all the mis-behaving businessmen that could easily be spot in every province throughout China.

Harm is done not only to them(or our?)selves but also to people in different region. I would name it the pest of mankind, of course, we are not alone, there are races who are performing problem to similar scale, too.

To be fair, I don't think I will feel proud of being whatever races, like what I have heard from, mankind is created to destory the Earth. It is fundamentally wrong of being a Human.

The familiar uncertainty

I thought I have morphed into the other me; the me without the uncertainty, the me who is emotionally stabilized. Indeed, I was just getting into the development passage of the sonata.

The motif is now recapitulated.

Last night, I was reading the material about my favourite author, and to my surprise, my long gone memory flashes back. I felt what I felt when I was young, when I have doubt on everything. When I was looking at the surrounding from an isolated perspective, abstracting myself from the crowd.

Me and only me.

I dare not to speak up (again) and I felt no one around that I dare to speak up with. We are not in the same channel. To think a step further, it's not happened so all of a sudden. Highlights are given during the course, I feel assured that no matter how close you can go with someone, no gurantee that it will last forever. The self is the only body you can rely on. To go along with and accompany. Prepare for the individualism, planning for the lonely trip on my birthday..

Climax will be reached upon recapitulation, be it dramatic or in peace.

15 Years

I was 15 years old 15 years ago.

The night, I cried.

Today, I saw the same footage again, I try to tell my cousin aged 5 and 6, on what had happened 15 years ago. The little girl have the same response as everyone of us.

"Why do they (the activitists) get accused even they haven't done anything wrong?"

I am amazed that a little girl aged at 6 can also recognize something obvious.