Try your best

This is the number 1 rule that we all first learnt, but the interpretation varies among different people.

To me, I am taking it damn serious,so serious that, the "best" I interpret means I should try with all my might, squeezing the very last bit of energy out of what I have.

This is tiring, very damn tiring.

I didn't realize this is wrong, until I found that I will die if I keep on squeezing but still cannot archive what is needed.

So, what's the best one can do?

Take away the time that should't be sacrificed - sleep, eat, rest, etc. The remaining is the time that you can optimized.

I gotta freeze and stick with this baseline, or else, I will be crushed in any time.

Feeling of anxiety

I think this is something called adrenaline, if I know what is composed of, I will get rid of eating anything possessing this element.

OK, from the moment I am in the office, my heart is beating faster than it actually needs. I guess. An I feel myself is very tense - my shoulder is tight and I don't have any appetitte.

What's happening is that, I have numbers of obstacles ahead but I only have limited ammo, where and when should I shoot and what if I missed and what even if I shot it down and will I have a chance to win this stupid game?

I am confused. I don't dare to win and I don't mind losing, just give me a choice, OK?

Lover is

My lover is someone I want to see when I go back home.
My lover is someone who I want to go out with
My lover is someone who I will get worried if she is late from work
My lover is someone who will laugh with me when seeing a cute little child
My lover is someone who will call me softly when I am weak and need encouragement
My lover is someone who I want to share everything with

My lover is you, Annis, my loved one.

When the boundary fades away

I feel frustrated, helpless and stressful.

When the cell phone ring and you no longer can be sure it is from any friends you know, when you are not certain if you should relax and do whatever you enjoy, you are blurring the boundary between your work and regular life.

I am one of the one to blame on, since I cannot manage the tasks properly. Giving an impression that, everything on hand has to be done right at the spot. It is not necessary for most of the time, besides, there's always a limit that we should bind ourselves to. If everything has to be executed in such a tight schedule, no one can live with it and quality cannot be promised.

Back to the old saying, play well when you are free, work hard when you need to.

Sounds simple but I should keep reminding myself every moment from now on.

Where the fun has gone

The happy time, the excited moment, which I once has found and expierenced, has now gone to nowhere.

I had fun with the experinment, just about a month ago, but now, I simply don't have the initiative to work on it, I can no longer see the fun behind.

The nature of the experinment is interesting as still, just that I am dragged back to the same chaos before. When I am in the mildst of the torture, I have lost my energy and momentum to do anything.

Also, I don't know how to rest well.

This whind up to a complete mess.. unless I either found the solution or can get the hell out of it.

Buddy, you hit the spot (and you hit it hard)

This is the second time that I feel angry and want to quit right away. And with this recent encountering, I can finally tell where is my dead zone and the cause that will make me want to quit.

Dignit and respect. The core of what I need in every job. When anyone is having doubt on either of the two, bingo buddy, you hit the spot that will make me resign.

I have rpeated for many times, workload, satisfaction and fun, are some of the factors that make me feels wanna resign, but I could bear with it most of the time, better said, I could endure for a while.

But when I found myself working without dignity, have to compromise on the core of my base line, I cannot tolerate.

And now is the moment...

May luck be with me that I can soon swift away from this shit.