As I have told you many times, I am someone low in confidence and easily envy on people who could do things better than I do.
And it turns out I won't get close to many of the people around. I don't like to feel crapy when I hang around with others.
Speaking up to be open minded is easy but it is not when you try to act. It is not I don't want to listen to but I don't want to bow down to someone I dislike.
Have I told you I am selective in choosing who to listen to?
Yeah, I find it's like a magic, I could feel interesting when I learn a thing or two from someone I can get close to. I would admire this guy, too. But if he is someone that I dislike, I feel disgusting.
It is always a struggle when I don't know something which can be solved easily or something which should be treated as fundamental. I am imposing strict rules to myself but I am lazy to beat myself up.
8/24/2004
8/16/2004
Living in the lonely planet
I have to admit that I am a narrow minded person. I stand quite firm on what I believe and is not that open minded towards idea of others. Unless they are given by people that I trust.
And I am not good at striking for anything that I need. I think I would expect the others can observe my needs and act accordingly.
The product development should be fun but it's not. It's now like chasing a moving target and I am the only one who is trying to strike for it. My team-mate is now taken away by the other product team. Claiming he knows well enough on the other product and he can help more on it. But hey, you can't just say he's good and I want it and take him away!
Everyone wants a top notch buddy but if you don't have one, you gotta think!
It speaks for myself, too. I lose the team-mate and I better restructure on my next move.
The thing that annoy me is the instability, I guess. It's not moving on in the pace that I feel comfortable with. I guess that's the reason.
Anyway, time to brush up myself.
And I am not good at striking for anything that I need. I think I would expect the others can observe my needs and act accordingly.
The product development should be fun but it's not. It's now like chasing a moving target and I am the only one who is trying to strike for it. My team-mate is now taken away by the other product team. Claiming he knows well enough on the other product and he can help more on it. But hey, you can't just say he's good and I want it and take him away!
Everyone wants a top notch buddy but if you don't have one, you gotta think!
It speaks for myself, too. I lose the team-mate and I better restructure on my next move.
The thing that annoy me is the instability, I guess. It's not moving on in the pace that I feel comfortable with. I guess that's the reason.
Anyway, time to brush up myself.
8/12/2004
Birthday
Today is my birthday, the 31st birthday that I have gone through. Unlike others, I am spending my day with my mom, who is staying in the hospital.
Luckily, she is doing good and is recovering from the flu and inflammation that she has got over the weekend. Hopefully, she will be out of the hospital on tomorrow morning.
Birthday, is already not a special occasion to me, but it is still a nice happening since I can give myself an excuse to buy something for fun. Other than that, it's more or less the same as the rest of the 365 days that you and me are going through.
In another 2 weeks, I will be having a vacation since March, going to Taiwan with Annis, the place that I would call my "Second Home". It's already my fifth or sixth visit but I am still very excited. I am looking forward to go over there, to meet my friends and the places that I feel familiar with.
It is all about the experience, the life style that I am going to live with. The atmosphere in the coffee shop, the friendliness among me and my friends, the cultural impact from the bookstore, the CD store. The way of living that I can feel re-assure and harmonized. I will not feel the emptiness of losing myself.
Whereas in Hong Kong, I could feel myself an isolated one, an alien to the society. I feel insecure, hollow and losing the momentum and direction of moving forward. That's why I enjoy reading; to fit myself into the world of my desire and writing to reshape myself into the reality.
Luckily, she is doing good and is recovering from the flu and inflammation that she has got over the weekend. Hopefully, she will be out of the hospital on tomorrow morning.
Birthday, is already not a special occasion to me, but it is still a nice happening since I can give myself an excuse to buy something for fun. Other than that, it's more or less the same as the rest of the 365 days that you and me are going through.
In another 2 weeks, I will be having a vacation since March, going to Taiwan with Annis, the place that I would call my "Second Home". It's already my fifth or sixth visit but I am still very excited. I am looking forward to go over there, to meet my friends and the places that I feel familiar with.
It is all about the experience, the life style that I am going to live with. The atmosphere in the coffee shop, the friendliness among me and my friends, the cultural impact from the bookstore, the CD store. The way of living that I can feel re-assure and harmonized. I will not feel the emptiness of losing myself.
Whereas in Hong Kong, I could feel myself an isolated one, an alien to the society. I feel insecure, hollow and losing the momentum and direction of moving forward. That's why I enjoy reading; to fit myself into the world of my desire and writing to reshape myself into the reality.
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