As I have told you many times, I am someone low in confidence and easily envy on people who could do things better than I do.

And it turns out I won't get close to many of the people around. I don't like to feel crapy when I hang around with others.

Speaking up to be open minded is easy but it is not when you try to act. It is not I don't want to listen to but I don't want to bow down to someone I dislike.

Have I told you I am selective in choosing who to listen to?

Yeah, I find it's like a magic, I could feel interesting when I learn a thing or two from someone I can get close to. I would admire this guy, too. But if he is someone that I dislike, I feel disgusting.

It is always a struggle when I don't know something which can be solved easily or something which should be treated as fundamental. I am imposing strict rules to myself but I am lazy to beat myself up.