Footsteps in moonlight
Shadow, falling behind every single one of us.
In a Monday morning, everyone walk silently in the same pace,
together with the first movement of Moonlight sonata.
Coherent in peace and silence.
11/12/2001
10/20/2001
The perfect afternoon
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
On every Friday night, or the night before I am going to have a holiday. I will spare sometime, sit down and thing how could I make the most uses of the coming holiday. I don't mean I want to visit as many places as possible but to make myself as enjoyable as possible. To make things simplier, I would try to make the holiday as "a perfect afternoon".
Coincidentally, I just read an article (indeed, it is the title of the book as well), bearing the same title -- "The perfect afternoon" and I think this is somehow explaining what I might be seeking for.
First of all, the afternoon should be happened in within the city, not in any vacational spot, countryside or alike. This is the basic criteria, we need the pulse of the city, the movement of people but also the peacefulness that exist somewhere around the corner.
What come next is, forget your plan, you simply don't need one. In a perfect afternoon, you will just go out and guide yourself along your senses. During so, take a closer look around the places. You might be very familiar with it, yet, you will see something that will happen only on the day at that time.
Sounds easy?
No.
For too many times, I was taken away by the thought of "not wasting a single second" and ended up spoilt the "perfect afternoon". And the harder I am trying to make myself feel good, the more upset I become and it turns out to be "The Stressful Afternoon".
10/06/2001
Marriage
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
This might not be the appropriate "title" since what I wanna talk about is indeed the steps involved for the process of "getting married". Also, the meaning of "getting married" is already beyond the question of necessity.
Since I am the believer of "A must to get married".
I don't want to spend too much time in explaining why but what marriage meant to me is a respect to the one you love. The truly believe in telling yourself you have found your beloved one. And in a "realistic" manner so to speak, getting marry -- to sign the certificate of marriage, with all the "official" steps taken care, is also paying another way of respect to your beloved one, since this will protect your another half by the law enforcement.
OK, let's head back to what I originally want to talk about.
At the time U agree to get marry with someone, U are not only engaging with this piece of "agreement" but also the bunch of "services" you have to fulfill, in short, to satisfy people around you.
Before proceeding further, I should state that all I am talking about is really really personal, since for different people, the thought will be different.
Are you ready for more?
What I don't like is, the whole process to me sounds like a torture, I don't feel like fun in getting through it. It won't make me feel anything special for getting marry (unlike the time you are preparing for a trip to overseas, all those moments do make much fun!). And even worst is,no matter how well you are doing, something will still get screwed, no matter how minute it might be, you will be blamed. Also, you are not the only one who has to "suffer" from the process, chances are, you have to ask people around to help you in doing something. Yeah, the kind soul will feel grateful in being able to help a buddy out, but hey, why bother seeking people to do something just for yourself? Shouldn't they spend the time in doing something more meaningful?
It sounds sad but I am sure I won't be able to get away from doing so. Indeed, I do have a couple of plan to make the process more "tolerable".
- Instead of spending $ to buy us stuff, I would suggest my buddy to either donate the $ to Orbis, Oxfam or any other volunteer services provider.
- Instead of "inviting" people that U don't see once in a year to your banquet, I would rather hold a private party somewhere with my families and friends...
What else can you think of? Feel free to post you comment right below..
Happy wedding...
9/01/2001
That's more than give and take
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
How many concert you have attend? And do you remember what was it and how was it? I mean, for most of the time, the relationship among us and the musician is in a "give-n-take" condition. They play the music, we enjoy out of it and giving our applause in showing our appreciation.
This is what I mean for a traditional and usual listening behaviour.
But is this the only relationship it can be? I thought so, until I saw "Swinging Bach" today.l
"Swinging Bach" was an event taken place in Leizipig, Germany in the year 2000, for the memorance of the 200th birthday of J.S. Bach. Musician from different places are gathering to perform music, of course, by Bach. And one of the program is featuring the "Ave Maria", I am sure you have listened to this before, you just don't know how it is named. Usually in movie scene taken place inside or church or alike.
Anyway, enough for the background information, let's go back to what I saw. Bobby McFerrin, a vocalist, is performing Ave Maria on the stage, but before he started, he asked the audience beneath -- which is over thousands of them, all standing in a BIG podium, if they can sing the choral part of Ave Maria, he sing out part of it to remind them of course. And guess what, he is expecting the audience to take part in this program, by singing out the chorus and he will be accompanying them!
So, what the heck? If you have listened to this before, you will know how peaceful the music actually is, just like what we felt after our pray, feels like angel is flying around you. And imagine, in a big podium like this, EVERYONE is humming out the peaceful piece! It is so touching and I am sure everyone in it can feel the resonance and synergy among themselves!
Bobby is not simply a musician but a magician, he can trigger something deep within the audience, to make the FEEL the music, not simply taken what he is performing as a whole. This already beyond the "give and take" tradition but an immersing experience.
8/20/2001
Fly, flying high..
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
Day to day, we move forward from a spot to another, things around us are going on linearly. No matter how you go, everything looks flat. Not until you see the back of the moon...
One day, when you find that you can move in another dimension, I mean, when you find that you can FLY. That means you are already someone else.. just like a worm will grow up and become a butterfly, a bird that hatches from an egg will become a bird that can fly in the mid of the air, to everywhere they want to... back and forth, up and down..
From that spot onward, what you can see will be different, edges will be shown, shadow casting along and the interaction among objects become clear. The place that you are familiar and experience you have encountered for uncounted times expressed in another way.
Everything looks fresh, looks so excited. And we can move on in our preferred speed, to destination we have never explored before and also, we can reach places we are not aware...
To fly, it doesn�t cost you a dime but your desire.. you need a strong desire to make you FLY. Everyone of us CAN fly, as long as you are eager to.. unlock your exit dusted with excuses and selfishness and make yourself as another you...
8/06/2001
Error Handling
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
During day time, I have to write codes in catching the exception on any error that was thrown by the program I write - in humanely speaking, I am responsible for the dump I have created or prepare for the worst that might happened.
But in reality, can it be done?
Not very likely, at least to me. At times, there will be something picking on your nerve or disaster will simply drop on your head. And not to mention, in our day-to-day life, we will encounter problems in our job, family or among friends. No matter how well you can tackle them with, to me, they are just chasing at the back. You can't escape and you can't surrender.
Is this the saddest part in life?
No.
What scare me is. I become unmoved. I mean, after all the the years living like being defeated, anything happened around me doesn't seems to be able to trigger the "Switch of Heart" to the on position.
The death of my grandma, knowing that my brother gotta take a body check on the stomache he is suffering from... They are the closest companion of mine and I am 'sad' about the happening but that's it. I know I should behave something more than that...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannot handle error : NULL POINTER EXCEPTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6/04/2001
The wait of the happening
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
Throughout the years. The feeling of anticipation on one thing have not happened for too many times.
My Thrustmaster FLCS, OS/2 Warp (Merlin to be precise) and not to mention what I am now longing for - my Power G3 driven iBook.
In the previous year or 2, my mighty PowerBook 1400 started showing her age (boy, I have been with her for over 4 years) and I have been waiting for a newer she, which can share some of the offload.
And boy, today, it's the time for this to happen! I am now on my way to take her home... I just can't hold my breath!
Expect more article to come later tonight... bye for now.
5/20/2001
What really is in my mind?
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
Lost in momentum, feeling dizziness, placing myself in the middle of the fog. These are all the description I used in the numbers of blog I have written.
Not until today, I didn't realize the cause of all these.
I simply don't know how to read my own mind.
I always want to finish something, I don't want to waste a single second out of my own time. Time ticks, and the sense of time shortage grows and it turns out that, apart from not wanna to waste my time, I wanna do every task precisely.
What it means is, I am doing it just for the sake of accomplishment, not for my true desire.
Even though I am still doing it with fun and have myself fully occupied, but when you look closer, you can find that I am kind of "empty". If you pull out and look in a broader sense, you will see that I am just taking steps on the ground, not leading myself to anywhere.
So, what's wrong with all these? I am spending all my effort, which is limited and precious, in a totally wrong manner. I remain hollow and leaving what I cherish most untouched - personal growth and exploration and to have fun.
To my surprise, I have already figure out the way to "cure" myself - taken away the amount of money that I can access.
The reason for this is, when resources become plentiful, I can afford to own anything more easier than before, but it might not be really what I need (well, this is a topic that I will come up and talk about in one day, yet, I still cannot learn the way in "handling" this.). So, I will have to take my time in dealing with the new toys and my own time get shortened.
Hopefully, starting from this moment onwards, I can realize what my true desire go and can lead myself to where I want to.
4/18/2001
Chaos
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
Another day started... and I am still doing the same thing.. but I start losing my patience. You know about me that, I hate to do things when there are so many stuff that are beyond my control. Losing code, incapable to create stuff I need, have to struggle among for the limited resources. You may say that I am not capable to work in chaotic environment, yes, you really can say so.
Indeed, before commenting my style of working, should we put up the question, why on Earth should such an chaos be existed in the first place?
I know that there are times that things will getting screwed and being driven to a wrong direction. But there still are things, e.g. working environment, procedures, co-operation, which are all capable to be managed. Or else, why do we need manager, scheduler and alike? Are they simply to be existed in the sake of the need of existence? I have no idea.
Maybe I am low in morale for today, maybe really I am but I simply hate to work like that...
4/16/2001
The art of simplicity
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
I am now playing with my new point and shot camera, nice stuff, all I get is 3 buttons and a trigger, no more and no less. But it could do just what I need or supposed to do.
This is nice.
Indeed, not everything on Earth are behaving like that. Just like the software I am using now (well, from a fame big blue company) which simply ignoring all these... what it has in mind is to tease everyone who gonna use it, torturing everyone to death without getting the damn job finished.. HA.
As someone who need to feed myself by programming, I always have to remind myself I am making something to be USED, not simply by making something.. but why on Earth that not every company will have this simple mindset in doing their business?
LIFE is never to be easy..
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
No matter how extensive you have been studying on a subject, you are still steps behind the reality.
I know that engaging in a project is not an easy task but not until now -- having spent my times into it that I now could UNDERSTAND what the hell it is like.
Eye soring, frustration, home sickness and any other thing that you can tell are all adding up together... indeed, there are things that I have never think of before -- team working, living as another entity in a different place, new friends (or well, foes) are all the things that I haven't thought of before... not to mention the interest part of local culture, cuision, scenery and babe X)
From what I saw, my buddy right here have all grown up, to a point that is quite far away from what he is before, indeed, it is not necessary to be a good thing. It all depends on how he is pushed/shaped into and the way how he is handling it.
Time flies, I hope that at the time I am back, I could be another me, on the better side of me, in Hong Kong.
Am I exhausted or what?
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
Walked straight for 3 hours, just to look for the books and items I have in mind, boy, at the time you found it, you will forget all the efforts you have to make. Indeed, the reality is, you will not be able to find everything as planned and legs are really soring X).
What's good for today's treasure hunt is. I can find the book of Edward Tufte finally! In case if you don't know, he is a professor in Yale on Statistics and Information Design. I have been looking for his books for ages.
You must assume that I bought it right away, but the truth is I didn't. Firstly, it is the $ it is being sold (way over priced when compare with Amazon) and secondly is the urgency. The book is nice but that's not what I need now... and the book talks quite a lot on stat. handling, so...
Anyhow, the journey of treasure hunting is enjoyable but if I don't have this damn sore throat, neck pain and insufficient of sleep, I will feel much more "rewardable".
3/17/2001
The extra-ordinary breakfast
I am talking about "treasuring what you have" again.
This morning, I go by the small resting area - a place just possessing a number of chairs; see an old mister sitting in one of them, showing satisfaction by enjoying his cup of English tea, just bought from the take-away shop.
The more we are able to possess, the more we are demanding. But are we much more happier than before? Not really the case, chances are, we don't know how to enjoy the beauty to the fullest extent, yet, we keep on spending, whinning on what we could only have. Then, we squeeze our time to work more, looking forward to earn more so as to strike for something more decent - more expensive. Yet, we are not satisfy and we whine on it again and we repeat what we have done again... till to a point that we are fed up or we realize that we are performing something not realistic.
Everything around us could be extra-ordinary, including what we already possess, you might be able to dig into something you are not aware...
I am talking about "treasuring what you have" again.
This morning, I go by the small resting area - a place just possessing a number of chairs; see an old mister sitting in one of them, showing satisfaction by enjoying his cup of English tea, just bought from the take-away shop.
The more we are able to possess, the more we are demanding. But are we much more happier than before? Not really the case, chances are, we don't know how to enjoy the beauty to the fullest extent, yet, we keep on spending, whinning on what we could only have. Then, we squeeze our time to work more, looking forward to earn more so as to strike for something more decent - more expensive. Yet, we are not satisfy and we whine on it again and we repeat what we have done again... till to a point that we are fed up or we realize that we are performing something not realistic.
Everything around us could be extra-ordinary, including what we already possess, you might be able to dig into something you are not aware...
3/12/2001
Lost in vision...
"lost in vision"
"feeling in the middle of the foggy day"
"where I am leading myself to?"
"I am alone but I shouldn't feel lonely with so many things that I could accomplished"
These are what have been repeating, repeating and repeating within myself in these 2 days. This is not the first time in muddling myself in such a situation, indeed, I have been grabbing myself out of such chaos for a year or 2.
What is wrong?
Maybe I am feeling insecure, in a sense that I have lost my sight, momentum dropped, like a roller coaster that has been riding for too long and have the screws loosen..
Interrupted...
Somehow, the regular way in refueling myself - hanging around in Johnny's place doesn't seems to work tonight and I just do what as planned; visiting Tom and again, I was proved that miracle is always just around the corner.
Before I made my visit there, I held no hope to regain my momentum. Indeed, once I saw Tom, I made my order on Tansonia Latte and situation started to move a bit..
Friend, maybe I should say friendliness comes in and saved me one more time.
Tom told me a lot on what he saw, he tasted, he was told in his 2 month's of travelling; Vietnam, Cambodia, China, Thailand... from the way he found about those countries, to the cusine he had tried and not to mention the coffee tasting experience. Content is one of the thing that arouse me but the most important above all is I felt "connected" once again. Connected back to the place that where I used to be, just like when the radio hits the right frequency, it hums music rather than noise.
Have I regain my "vision", well, not really BUT I learnt a lesson. It is not necessary to have a clear vision at all times, somehow, we will have occasion to have ourselves let loose. Indeed, we just need to follow the steps, believe it "something" is just around the corner and with just a few more steps, our radio will hit the right frequeny...
"lost in vision"
"feeling in the middle of the foggy day"
"where I am leading myself to?"
"I am alone but I shouldn't feel lonely with so many things that I could accomplished"
These are what have been repeating, repeating and repeating within myself in these 2 days. This is not the first time in muddling myself in such a situation, indeed, I have been grabbing myself out of such chaos for a year or 2.
What is wrong?
Maybe I am feeling insecure, in a sense that I have lost my sight, momentum dropped, like a roller coaster that has been riding for too long and have the screws loosen..
Interrupted...
Somehow, the regular way in refueling myself - hanging around in Johnny's place doesn't seems to work tonight and I just do what as planned; visiting Tom and again, I was proved that miracle is always just around the corner.
Before I made my visit there, I held no hope to regain my momentum. Indeed, once I saw Tom, I made my order on Tansonia Latte and situation started to move a bit..
Friend, maybe I should say friendliness comes in and saved me one more time.
Tom told me a lot on what he saw, he tasted, he was told in his 2 month's of travelling; Vietnam, Cambodia, China, Thailand... from the way he found about those countries, to the cusine he had tried and not to mention the coffee tasting experience. Content is one of the thing that arouse me but the most important above all is I felt "connected" once again. Connected back to the place that where I used to be, just like when the radio hits the right frequency, it hums music rather than noise.
Have I regain my "vision", well, not really BUT I learnt a lesson. It is not necessary to have a clear vision at all times, somehow, we will have occasion to have ourselves let loose. Indeed, we just need to follow the steps, believe it "something" is just around the corner and with just a few more steps, our radio will hit the right frequeny...
3/08/2001
It's all about shoe shining..
No matter the size of a company, shoe shining exist. This is one of the something that I have learnt in the years.
Maybe I should rephrase it as, whenever there are working relationship, chances for seeing a "shoe shining event" rises. I think it is more on personality act, one might be getting too used to be doing so. I can't say this is a sin, one may simply taking this as an "aggressive act" for promotion, yet, I simply don't feel comfortable in seeing this, whenever happened.
What I dislike more is, the difference in between what one will usually stands for against what one will show up when he/she lean on the boss..
Anyhow, as long as I could get away from the happening, I shouldn't be bothered by it..
No matter the size of a company, shoe shining exist. This is one of the something that I have learnt in the years.
Maybe I should rephrase it as, whenever there are working relationship, chances for seeing a "shoe shining event" rises. I think it is more on personality act, one might be getting too used to be doing so. I can't say this is a sin, one may simply taking this as an "aggressive act" for promotion, yet, I simply don't feel comfortable in seeing this, whenever happened.
What I dislike more is, the difference in between what one will usually stands for against what one will show up when he/she lean on the boss..
Anyhow, as long as I could get away from the happening, I shouldn't be bothered by it..
3/07/2001
3/06/2001
Life after a living pattern...
I wake up, go to work, earn money and make my living on a daily basis. But I figure it out that, this is not what I want for life long.
I took "The Vacation" in the year 2000 and this is one of the transition that I talk about from time to time.
On this morning, the desire to roll up my diminishing momentum is growing. The desire to hang out from the routine life-form; the desire to feed myself with knowledges; the desire to look for the inner-self of mine; the desire to put myself into another arena that I am not familiar with.
I need it and I need it badly.
I wake up, go to work, earn money and make my living on a daily basis. But I figure it out that, this is not what I want for life long.
I took "The Vacation" in the year 2000 and this is one of the transition that I talk about from time to time.
On this morning, the desire to roll up my diminishing momentum is growing. The desire to hang out from the routine life-form; the desire to feed myself with knowledges; the desire to look for the inner-self of mine; the desire to put myself into another arena that I am not familiar with.
I need it and I need it badly.
2/21/2001
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2/20/2001
The Funeral
Chances are, you have no say on what you like or dislike on your own funeral.
I have always been thinking on the music that I would like to listen to - suppose I have the ability - before my departure.
They might sound boring to some of my friends but what the heck, this is something for me, right?
OK, here is my list... Friend, it is no easy task to prepare 10+ hours of music X)
Bruckner #7,
Bach Suite #1-6,
Beethoven #9,
Tchakovsky string quartet #1,
Borodin string quartet,
Barber Adagio,
Rachmaninov Vocalise,
Brahms sym. #4,
Chopin Waltz
What else? Maybe some Jazz. It should be less boring,
John Coltrane Ballade,
Round Midnight,
Some Monks, Bill Evans and Miles Davis will be great.
It might be 30 or maybe even 40 years from now on while I will be listening to music composed about or more than 100 years ago, isn't that interesting?
Chances are, you have no say on what you like or dislike on your own funeral.
I have always been thinking on the music that I would like to listen to - suppose I have the ability - before my departure.
They might sound boring to some of my friends but what the heck, this is something for me, right?
OK, here is my list... Friend, it is no easy task to prepare 10+ hours of music X)
Bruckner #7,
Bach Suite #1-6,
Beethoven #9,
Tchakovsky string quartet #1,
Borodin string quartet,
Barber Adagio,
Rachmaninov Vocalise,
Brahms sym. #4,
Chopin Waltz
What else? Maybe some Jazz. It should be less boring,
John Coltrane Ballade,
Round Midnight,
Some Monks, Bill Evans and Miles Davis will be great.
It might be 30 or maybe even 40 years from now on while I will be listening to music composed about or more than 100 years ago, isn't that interesting?
2/17/2001
Should music just exist on the score?
It's Arts Festival and here's another blog about music...
I have just attended another enjoyable concert tonight - the Emerson Quartet. Programs are all new to me. As usual, we have a chit-chat session right after.
One of the buddy thought they are not in shape tonight, with inaccurate pitch, rushing up of candenza point... he carries on mentioning a couple more musical terms.
I have a question in mind - what is us as an audience are expecting in a performance? Umm... If everything could simply interpretted as what's on the score or maybe I should rephrase as - if the performance is not playing as "it should", should it really be poorly rated?
My thought - I can't read score and know nothing about what the hell those 'candenza counter point' mean but I can experience the strong cohesion, the highly harmonized performance and the fluidity of the music, which I myself as an ametur cellist, know that it is not easy to accomplish. I appreciate that a lot, thank you.
And the most important of all, I am a simple, happy audience. HA!
It's Arts Festival and here's another blog about music...
I have just attended another enjoyable concert tonight - the Emerson Quartet. Programs are all new to me. As usual, we have a chit-chat session right after.
One of the buddy thought they are not in shape tonight, with inaccurate pitch, rushing up of candenza point... he carries on mentioning a couple more musical terms.
I have a question in mind - what is us as an audience are expecting in a performance? Umm... If everything could simply interpretted as what's on the score or maybe I should rephrase as - if the performance is not playing as "it should", should it really be poorly rated?
My thought - I can't read score and know nothing about what the hell those 'candenza counter point' mean but I can experience the strong cohesion, the highly harmonized performance and the fluidity of the music, which I myself as an ametur cellist, know that it is not easy to accomplish. I appreciate that a lot, thank you.
And the most important of all, I am a simple, happy audience. HA!
2/16/2001
You should not just listen to the music..
Legend.
How many times in your life could encounter "A Living Legend"? Not to mention an occasion in meeting 3 at the same time - I am a lucky guy, that I possess such an opportunity.
The Buena Vista Social Club, featuring Ruben Gonalez, the pianist; Ibrahim Ferrer, the vocal; and Omara Portuondo, the "sexy lady" vocal and a bundle of outstanding musician. Even though you are not familiar with their language but through their expression - body language, their accent, the rhythm, as well as the melody of the music itself, can close the gap between you and the musician.
What's more, you are not only receiving the livliness of the music but the heat, the enthusiasm and the momentum bursted from their performance. You have to jump into the music, to be motivated. You can then feel the appreciation of life and the greatness of the music itself.
Legend.
How many times in your life could encounter "A Living Legend"? Not to mention an occasion in meeting 3 at the same time - I am a lucky guy, that I possess such an opportunity.
The Buena Vista Social Club, featuring Ruben Gonalez, the pianist; Ibrahim Ferrer, the vocal; and Omara Portuondo, the "sexy lady" vocal and a bundle of outstanding musician. Even though you are not familiar with their language but through their expression - body language, their accent, the rhythm, as well as the melody of the music itself, can close the gap between you and the musician.
What's more, you are not only receiving the livliness of the music but the heat, the enthusiasm and the momentum bursted from their performance. You have to jump into the music, to be motivated. You can then feel the appreciation of life and the greatness of the music itself.
2/11/2001
Looks through the eyes of a child
I was hugging the little angel tonight, flying her up to the sky. From her eyes, I could see the charm, the interest and the happiness that I am seeking all times. When ages adds up like a counter, the number of times I felt "blown away" diminished like the tide flows back... it's not the world that is changing but our sense to the surrouding fade away.
I keep reminding myself to think different, umm, maybe I should rephrase to, I should break through the barrier...
Something I read recently.... we all have desire, no matter it is the form of livehood, our job or what so ever, indeed, we are always being gifted in a wrong position at the wrong time.. sounds sad, but shouldn't be a better thought to come over it?
Be honest, I don't know what the heck I am currently writing... lines become blur that I can't make up my mind if I am really writing becoz I want to or just becoz I want to show up my little device in a lcoation I enjoy.. jesus.
I was hugging the little angel tonight, flying her up to the sky. From her eyes, I could see the charm, the interest and the happiness that I am seeking all times. When ages adds up like a counter, the number of times I felt "blown away" diminished like the tide flows back... it's not the world that is changing but our sense to the surrouding fade away.
I keep reminding myself to think different, umm, maybe I should rephrase to, I should break through the barrier...
Something I read recently.... we all have desire, no matter it is the form of livehood, our job or what so ever, indeed, we are always being gifted in a wrong position at the wrong time.. sounds sad, but shouldn't be a better thought to come over it?
Be honest, I don't know what the heck I am currently writing... lines become blur that I can't make up my mind if I am really writing becoz I want to or just becoz I want to show up my little device in a lcoation I enjoy.. jesus.
2/06/2001
When experience sublimes into your memory...
I talk about memory, again.
Sometimes, an event, some kind of food, music or maybe scenery tied to a segment of our memory, something happened in a time frame in the past. Yet, when we get into this same "thing" again, we seems to be getting over it one more time.
Interesting.
Curry rice = an afternoon in Akibuhara with a plate of Curry Rice, an isolated me in a totally unfamilar region. Feels like an outsider; with no one knowing me while I can leave the shit behind.
I talk about memory, again.
Sometimes, an event, some kind of food, music or maybe scenery tied to a segment of our memory, something happened in a time frame in the past. Yet, when we get into this same "thing" again, we seems to be getting over it one more time.
Interesting.
Curry rice = an afternoon in Akibuhara with a plate of Curry Rice, an isolated me in a totally unfamilar region. Feels like an outsider; with no one knowing me while I can leave the shit behind.
2/05/2001
Don't feel despair, fortune is right ahead.
Years ago, I used to have a nice pen, yes, those need to refill with the ink cartridge, as my companion in my university study. It's from Rotring.
From years after, I have been looking for the ballpoint pen from the same series - but to no avail... it is no longer
6 years later, in a warm and sunny afternoon. I finished my lunch early, while not having the mood to visit any place I used to, I went to the stationary shop I have never visited. And god bless, my long time lover showed up in sight...
Years ago, I used to have a nice pen, yes, those need to refill with the ink cartridge, as my companion in my university study. It's from Rotring.
From years after, I have been looking for the ballpoint pen from the same series - but to no avail... it is no longer
6 years later, in a warm and sunny afternoon. I finished my lunch early, while not having the mood to visit any place I used to, I went to the stationary shop I have never visited. And god bless, my long time lover showed up in sight...
2/03/2001
Life is full of experience...
I have been repeatedly telling you that life is full of interest.. you can always meet something new, something you have never met before in your daiily life.
As long as you know how to figure it out and how to treasure it when you meet them, your life will be fruitful and beautiful...
I have been visiting Johnny's place for years but still, I could locate something new from his "reperiore".. (I don't want to say "menu" as he is serving more than that.) Just like today, I am ordering my all time favourite -- Cafe Latte -- but with a twist of new elements, servi ng it with some fresh cream. And it becomes our new favourite right away.
Life's like a puzzle, if you make your effort in matching every pieces together and you will be rewarded with a beautiful big picture.
I have been repeatedly telling you that life is full of interest.. you can always meet something new, something you have never met before in your daiily life.
As long as you know how to figure it out and how to treasure it when you meet them, your life will be fruitful and beautiful...
I have been visiting Johnny's place for years but still, I could locate something new from his "reperiore".. (I don't want to say "menu" as he is serving more than that.) Just like today, I am ordering my all time favourite -- Cafe Latte -- but with a twist of new elements, servi ng it with some fresh cream. And it becomes our new favourite right away.
Life's like a puzzle, if you make your effort in matching every pieces together and you will be rewarded with a beautiful big picture.
1/19/2001
Life is easy and simple..
Listening to the newly bought CD of Stan Getz and writing up a document in the office... feeling relaxed and comfortable. Can you find something else that you could enjoy your life out of it while at the same time could earn some bucks for our living?
There are times that, we are pushing ourselves out of the envelope, just to fulfill the limitless growth of desire. No matter how hard we worked, and then how much we spent on it, we are still feeling "empty". It's not the feeling of lonely but just like when you have eaten a lot of cream, you know that you have eaten a large portion of food but still, you don't have the sense of fullness. Indeed, if you know how to treasure the things out of the ordinary, life will be easier and more enjoyable than you can think.
Maybe this is why kids are always hanging with a smile that you could hardly find from any adults...
Listening to the newly bought CD of Stan Getz and writing up a document in the office... feeling relaxed and comfortable. Can you find something else that you could enjoy your life out of it while at the same time could earn some bucks for our living?
There are times that, we are pushing ourselves out of the envelope, just to fulfill the limitless growth of desire. No matter how hard we worked, and then how much we spent on it, we are still feeling "empty". It's not the feeling of lonely but just like when you have eaten a lot of cream, you know that you have eaten a large portion of food but still, you don't have the sense of fullness. Indeed, if you know how to treasure the things out of the ordinary, life will be easier and more enjoyable than you can think.
Maybe this is why kids are always hanging with a smile that you could hardly find from any adults...
1/12/2001
What's possible, what's not
Sometimes, I don't really know what's the limit, or better said, my own capacity in handling things. When tasks were assigned to me, no matter how fully occupied I am, as long as I feel it's ok, I will take it.
Is it me who just don't know how to turn down request or is it me who is stupid that, thinking if I could fullfill all of them, I am of something superior? I don't know.
In what circumstances will U give up on something? How do one justify if it worth keep doing it? Just like Beethoven, someone who is deaf but still could compose music as strong and powerful as an invicible army. Whenever I feel weak and tired, those music are just like adrenaline, like caffiene, to rejuvenate myself. To feel the power, to feel being loved and to believe in myself..
Sometimes, I don't really know what's the limit, or better said, my own capacity in handling things. When tasks were assigned to me, no matter how fully occupied I am, as long as I feel it's ok, I will take it.
Is it me who just don't know how to turn down request or is it me who is stupid that, thinking if I could fullfill all of them, I am of something superior? I don't know.
In what circumstances will U give up on something? How do one justify if it worth keep doing it? Just like Beethoven, someone who is deaf but still could compose music as strong and powerful as an invicible army. Whenever I feel weak and tired, those music are just like adrenaline, like caffiene, to rejuvenate myself. To feel the power, to feel being loved and to believe in myself..
1/05/2001
I got the whole world
A thought came by..
Wandering around in Germany and communicate with the people in german, simple phrase of course. Feels like I got the whole world, ha!
I always believe that people will appreciate the effort you make to speak in their language, no matter how lame it is...
Maybe I enjoy the feeling of being "connected", especially with people of different culture.
A thought came by..
Wandering around in Germany and communicate with the people in german, simple phrase of course. Feels like I got the whole world, ha!
I always believe that people will appreciate the effort you make to speak in their language, no matter how lame it is...
Maybe I enjoy the feeling of being "connected", especially with people of different culture.
1/04/2001
It's just looping over and over again..
I don't know why, but do you find that most of the things, especially those we don't like, keep showing up from time to time? I try to get the hell away from it, still, it just show up after a period of time, just like the sequence of a traffice light. If I could just accept the occurence, I might feel better, but I don't want to. Hey, it's my life, I think I could select what to be like and what not to be...
I don't know why, but do you find that most of the things, especially those we don't like, keep showing up from time to time? I try to get the hell away from it, still, it just show up after a period of time, just like the sequence of a traffice light. If I could just accept the occurence, I might feel better, but I don't want to. Hey, it's my life, I think I could select what to be like and what not to be...
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